Goodbye wet bush. He pulls Matsui upright and lets go. T-chan looks at both of them.]
That’s correct, yes. [He sounds a bit displeased in the way not knowing is peculiar.] I know some things that were going on, but… not how this happened necessarily.
[YOU REALLY JUST TOOK THIS RIGHT OUT OF MY PAWS i love this dramatic aesthetic post tho
He's just nodding at that, though, once he pulls his hand back. Sasuga!!]
Some, I believe, are reasoning that we may very well be alive based on the gaps in our knowledge. [Placing a hand against his own chest...] That, and the lively state of being that many of us appear to be in.
[YEA YEA I DID I SNATCHED IT AWAY LIKE CHINATSU'S LIFE
D is nodding emphatically along with what Matsui is saying. All these little weirdos together in one big dead group. Very fun...ny.]
I can't say I have ever died to know enough about what may lie beyond. I did not expect it to look quite like this, of course. Perhaps it is simply... limbo? Purgatory? Though I don't recall any rules before about being revived if you go to purgatory.
Also truly this is a band of freaks. Anyway as both a tsukumogami and a Catholic, he'd been expecting really different afterlives, too! He doesn't like this one, he wants a refund.]
Likewise, I can't say that it is a familiar purgatory to me by any of the definitions that I have come to know it. Then again, we do appear to be in a place unfamiliar to every single person here...
I see. I tried to see what he thought if there were no kidnappers, or perhaps, the kidnappers wouldn't have anything else to offer outside of the rulebook, but... as expected, he bullheadedly would have none of it.
I fear there will be many here who won't be prepared when this game begins...
[Does he fully believe everything they've read? No. Is he entirely sure they're even dead? No. However, he is a dour enough person to expect that they're going to have to team up eventually and that people are definitely going to start being fuckin erased. It's just human nature.]
[He frowns ever so slightly at Matsui's words. It's not his business whether or not others are prepared really, and in the end, it benefits him more when they are not. For the purpose of the game.
He thinks about a conversation he had with someone back home.]
We will see how far others are willing to go to survive. If they will kill the only other survivor on the deserted island if it meant they would live.
It is within human nature to make such sacrifices.
[Which he doesn't say with scorn or hatred or even anger. Just the kind of resignation of a wholeass sword that's seen so much bloodshed and the ugliest shades of humanity over and over again over nearly a millennia.]
Unfortunately, I don't think it will be a long wait before people begin to take matters into their own hands.
D's just spiteful and judgmental about it where Matsui is resigned though, tragic. His head cants slightly to the side.]
What matters to me is Buzen. What Buzen wants is what I'll strive for. [...] He's kind and his heart is big. He will want to return to the others, but he will also want to save as many here as he can.
Anyway, this is before he's learned that the profiles are just out there in front of god and satan, so he's quiet for a second as he contemplates how to word this without giving them away. AS IF HE HASN'T BEEN OUT HERE BEING LIKE "humans this humans that" THE WHOLE CONVERSATION.]
...Yes. We're the same in many ways. He's walked with me through situations that no one else has and knows me better than anyone else. Without Buzen, I would...
[Just fuckin lie down and wait to die again honestly!!]
[Oh dear. This man has depression. Ryo also had depression, but he coped with murderous intent unfortunately.]
I understand.
[Like, not in experience exactly, but in theory.]
I think it’s fine if you have the same goals. There isn’t anything wrong with walking alongside someone else who is important to you. However, I hope you will also not forget to consider, like the bush, how deserving you are to exist with your own desires.
[HIS DESIRE IS TO DIE???? THIS ADVICE WOULD BE SO GOOD FOR ANYONE ELSE but he's truly out here with his two singular things that he cares about in this world: Buzen and being deceased. Is this any better than coping with murderous intent.
Anyway, he doesn't like this topic so he's running from it.]
...Thank you. Your advice is wise, though I apologize for giving you reason to dispense it. Are you very used to doing so...?
[DON'T RUN FROM THE TOPIC OF LOVING YOURSELF, HELLO?? He's really going to have his hands full in this place, huh. STILL THINKING ABOUT HOW D CALLED HIM A BUSH.]
I manage my grandfather's pet shop. People come to buy a pet for many reasons: love, loss, heartache, loneliness. They usually tell me their story so I can help them find the perfect pet, and I listen. So I suppose you might say that I am used to doing so, yes.
[IT'S FINE. MATSUI IS A SWORD HE DOESN'T MIND BEING COMPARED TO A BUSH listen.
Anyway this is a bit of a strange concept to him in that people just don't talk about their beloved pets on the battlefield, so his exposure is very minimal...]
I see... I hadn't thought the process to be so intricate and emotionally involved. It must be difficult work at times.
Also people should talk about their pets on the battlefield, hello. (me voice, dying in agony on the battlefield) i have... a black cat... he would always halloween hop at me... i miss him (i perish dramatically)]
At times. We have a pet for everyone, no matter who they are.
Also this is so fucking funny because Matsui hears this as such an ominous statement. There are garbage people out there SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ABOUT THEIR PETS???]
If you care about the pets as kindly as you do the plantlife here, then I am sure that at the very least, they're content to be in your shop.
[STOP, don't make it ominous. HELP. Don't make it ominous......... It's fine probably. (thinks about the pets) (looks at t-chan) It's fine.]
Thank you. We aim to make them as comfortable and welcomed as possible. I'm not sure if there is a single plant or creature who does not enjoy being at the shop.
[Hewwo sir... Wherever D is today, whenever he's finally ALONE, he's being CORNERED BY A VAMPIRE.
Not really. Matsui does happen to approach when he's on his own, though, and reaches out to gently touch his arm. Touch week!! And he doesn't dislike D so he doesn't repress the urge, hilarious.]
...Do you have a moment to spare? I would like to speak with you.
[A SOFT LITTLE MURDERER... Uwah equally soft though. D's presence is somehow quite soothing, which is why he feels much more comfortable approaching him quickly about this very important matter.]
Thank you. [Said sincerely... He wastes no time, though, shifting to face D more fully and letting him hold his paw.]
You have heard what the Reapers said about erased teammates, correct? That even if a team wins, it doesn't guarantee the return of their erased partners... And that the cost of returning one is quite high.
[Oh dear, just as he feared. This does not surprise him. If one of the teammates happened to be a pet from his shop, even T-chan, he would likely do the same.
He gives Matsui's hand a reassuring squeeze, gentle.]
Very well. You may ask.
[Time to steal two historical swords from the aniwa...............hehheh.]
ALSO STOP DON'T STEAL THEM WHAT IF BUZEN DEPARTICLES HIS STATE OF REALITY IS TOO FRAGILE!!!
In any case, Matsui's request is fucking depressing because he's a depressing guy. He says it without an ounce of hesitation, though, because of course there's not a single scrap of uncertainty in his body about what he's asking for here.]
In the event that the two of us are erased but our team still wins, you must prioritize Buzen before myself.
[If it's really so expensive to bring someone back, then he at least wants this established, because he knows Buzen would refuse.]
[STOP MY S my fingers tried to make the anija come out
It's so funny that he is expecting something as heavy as this actually, but it still surprises him to hear, and the surprise shows on his face momentarily. His fingers clutch Matsui's hand a little more, something like a silent plead.
But he understands. And it would be rude to deny Matsui a final wish even if it goes against the advice he had given before, about thinking more of himself.]
Do you not think he will... break if he is forced to leave you behind? He cares a lot about you.
Matsui ignores the silent plea because of course he does, even as he turns his hand out to gently take D's in turn. It's a gesture that's unfamiliar to him in that he typically reserves his handsiness for fellow Gous, but that's the beauty of touch week.
He's quiet for a second, considering his words.]
...It would be painful for him. Difficult. But either option is a selfish one for me.
[He wants to stay with Buzen, but he wants the good in his heart to win out, too. If the option is there, that part of him would want to give Buzen back, rather than hanging on and dragging him along to oblivion.]
Unfortunately, D is extremely prone to separating literally any emotions and duty. So this is just par for the course. He's frowning a bit, but nods his head anyway. He offers Matsui's hand a squeeze of reassurance.]
Alright. I would like for that situation not to happen; however, if it does, I will see that Buzen is helped as much as I'm able.
[But!]
And what if Buzen asks the same of me about you?
Edited (HELP I CANT EDIT I KEEP LAUGHING) 2023-06-13 02:37 (UTC)
He cups his other hand over the top of Matsui's, like they are making a covenant promise. (They are.)]
I will remember. But I hope you will also consider how much he may need you as well. I'm sure he understands a leader is only as good as those he has to lead. I promise I won't harp again.
[He pats Matsui's hand.]
I just understand that every single plant and animal in the world is as important as the next no matter how many or how few there are. It's difficult to see sometimes when you are merely one of hundreds or thousands. But without even just one, life becomes much less beautiful and magical.
[This is truly so funny because D is trying so hard to say something sweet and nice but the only thing Matsui takes from it is a REMINDER OF ALL THE THOUSANDS OF LIVES HE'S HELPED TO SNUFF OUT AND HOW MUCH LESS BEAUTIFUL AND MAGICAL THE WORLD IS BECAUSE OF HIM!!!! IS HIS LIFE EVEN ENOUGH TO REMOTELY SETTLE THIS DEBT!!!!!
He stares at their covenant hands, where his is being held so carefully, and probably disassociates for a second as he envisions them covered in blood.]
...You are a kind person. Thank you. Ideally, matters won't come down to this in the first place, but... I can't leave anything to chance. You understand.
[This is soooooooooo funny, help ME. HE IS TALKING ABOUT YOU YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT SWORD!!!! HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THE HUMANS! Glad he is making the depression worse.]
I understand.
[Instead of a pat, Matsui's hand gets squeezed gently between both of his own before he pulls the one on top away.]
I'm honored you would entrust me with it. It would be a shame if I were the first to go, [haha] but as long as you are still here at least, he'll be okay. Being on a team with someone you know is both a blessing and a curse.
[STOP I CAN'T BELIEVE MATSUI WILL HAVE TO CARE EXTRA ABOUT HUMANS TO MAKE UP FOR D AND RANG.
Are they still holding just one paw now. This is so funny. Matsui is still just staring at them like they contain multitudes, or perhaps like he's still disassociating a bit.]
To me, it is only a blessing. [Because he has no attachment to life so none of that part of this matters to him!] ...I should hope that you will make it through, though.
[HELPPP. POOR RANG!!!! Just a lil baby tantrum guy getting roasted by Catholic depression sword.
Yes, they are still holding one paw. Touch week means D is latched onto this paw, but even if it wasn't touch week, he would be willing to hold Matsui's hand at least.]
I will try. I have a rather important duty I can't abandon back home. So it's best for me if I return.
[FUCKING HELP yeah that's exactly what's happening. He's out there roasting Rang every chance he can get and for what.
But guess this is happening sure, their paw touchies.]
I understand... It's much the same for us, but there are others to carry on if we should fall. [Their CULT OF INSANE SWORDS.] I take it that it isn't the same for you.
Matsui looks a little hesitant, considering there is So Much he still feels like he can't discuss fully, but. Unfortunately D is currently one of his favorites, so.]
...Very well. Is there anything in particular that you would like to hear about?
But okay, he can work with this. He's quiet for a second again as he gathers his thoughts - what he wants to share, what's better off unsaid.]
...We live together at the Citadel - all of us, swords from many different times and places within Japan. It's a base cradled between mountains. We grow our own food and care for horses, so as you can imagine, we have great swaths of land. There are roughly fifty or so of us there, now, and we take turns completing chores and tasks to keep things running smoothly.
[D nods in acknowledgement while he listens. He's so weird, so this sounds all very cute and interesting to him. A whole Citadel full of animated swords...... He's delighted. He did not think he would really grow fond of man-made items, especially weaponry.]
It sounds wonderful. You all sound like very hard workers, too. I never imagined meeting the spirits of swords given a form, so I'm honored.
Your Citadel reminds me a little of my grandfather's shop. We have any animals you can imagine; plants sometimes as well. The shop is in cities for business, but the inside has all the room everyone needs.
Forests, oceans, mountains. Wherever they desire to stay comfortably.
[Hands Matsui lore because he's a funky lil freak too.]
[D really out here like "damn I can't believe I feel some fondness for these human-made weapons of slaughter". At least they're used to slaughter other humans...]
Many of us are. I would not call myself a hard worker. [FUCKING HELP.
He listens with curiosity as D explains his magic whacky wonderland of a shop, though... Uwah, sasuga, sugoi.]
So that is how you ensure every animal and pet has what it needs... [MAGIC.] Are you an onmyodo? Mage?
[STOP DON'T JUST SHOOT JESUS CHRIST IN COLDASS BLOOD
me aki looking at those redacted reasons. Matsui can't read brackets but he still feels faintly as if this is not the full story... He sure didn't give the full story on his end either though, so he ain't about to pry.]
That makes sense. [HUMANS. They're out here destroying the planet... The only reason they don't in his world is because they get fucking nuked in a mysterious event that digitarou still hasn't explained HELP US.]
Matsui just nodding silently along with this despite the fact humans are important to him, very funny. How much more would D love Matsui if he know about Matsui's depression.......... ALSO HELP THEY REALLY WILL BE LIKE SURPRISE :) (drops this lore out of the blue as an event)]
[Stop calling him out, thanks... He looks away, but thoughtfully. A frown thins his lips, a wry thing. It takes a moment before he looks at Matsui again.]
Yes, but... I suppose that is why I was told there are two of us. My fa... [His brows furrow.] My son and I.
Though I don't believe I should be here regardless. So I must go back, so there will always be two.
Also look he doesn't mean to call D out, but it's just what makes sense for him...]
I can understand that, as well. [HE SHOULDN'T BE IN A HUMAN AFTERLIFE?? Something happened here.] ...I am sorry that you've been burdened in such a way, though. I hope that you are able to return to your son and continue your work.
[He also feels a little tiny bit guilty because not even D's desire to go back to his son and his duty will keep Matsui from mcdying if Buzen does.]
[THE WAY MATSUI IS JUST DIPPING OUT SO FAST? Don't run away, he can smell your lack of self-esteem.]
You aren't any bother. I don't mind if you ever would like company. But you're welcome.
[Matsui's hand gets another light squeeze, and then he lets go so Matsui doesn't feel like he has to stay. He isn't an expert on animals not to understand some people will skittishly zoom away to avoid acknowledgment.]
[D REALLY OUT HERE LIKE MATSUI IS A SKITTERISH RACCOON. That's fair, honestly. If it weren't for the laws of this touch week, he'd have skittered on off the second his hand was squeezed. But he'll let this happen and wait for D to release him before he steps back.]
Thank you... I'll keep that in mind.
[Somewhere far away from here BYE!! He's not running you're running.]
This is one of the three people he will take the time to hunt for on purpose. He doesn't mind if Matsui and Buzen are together, but he does see if he can run into either of them or both of them at some point.
[Matsui can be caught alone at some point because i aki need to do other pcs that don't involve buzen fucking HELP MEEEEEEEE. He doesn't intend to be alone for long, specifically because of Buzen, but - he'll pause when he spots D. He's probably on his way back out of their warehouse like a busy lil bee.]
You're faring well, I assume?
[Said as more of an automatic greeting than any statement of actual concern. He doesn't even mean this scathingly, D just doesn't seem like the type of person to him that would be ruffled by this.]
[Help me, Matsui. The dynamic of this team is so hilarious. He reaches out a hand and offers it in Matsui's direction. Touch week! They're all gonna really be like :tails: next week.]
[EVERYONE EXCEPT MATSUI AND BUZEN WHO NOW HAVE A SET PRECEDENT. THE MODS REALLY DID THIS TO ME.
But for now everyone gets to continue catching these hands. Matsui will reach out and take D's offered hand carefully!]
Fair, given the circumstances. [When you're a traumatized sword so trial itself did nothing but your favorite person did disassociate for like 4 hours straight.] It isn't so far from what I had anticipated.
[They're really just delicate paw holding here in this chilis this is so funny HELP!!! Humans are such weenies it's true. Matsui is generally ambivalent about their nature, but truly they are so Sasuga Humans sometimes.]
Yes... That's true. [PEERING AT D.] A handful of them gave you a hard time, earlier.
[DON'T LOOK AT HIM WOW. He stares back, but not harshly or threateningly. It's like the time we Spider-man pointed at each other in trial.]
Humans like to hide their prejudices behind their fear. They want to label you, and when they can't, they want you gone. Their reactions said more about them than it did me.
[There's probably a teeny tiny bit of bitterness here, but he really just offers it as a casual opinion.]
Anyway this casual opinion is, as far as Matsui is concerned, pretty correct? It's pretty Sasuga Humans honestly. HE'S A MISANTHROPE even if he still largely wants the best for humanity. He sure doesn't love them blindly in the same way SOME SWORDS do KASHUU!!!!!
At the same time, he knows bait when he sees it. D is someone he feels closer to than most here if just by virtue of the fact that he allowed him to put Buzen first, but Matsui is also the kind of person who can't help but pry at loose floorboards a bit.]
Do you feel satisfied when you can say or do things that get them to reveal that about themselves?
[LOOK, he will just be honest because it's Matsui, and Matsui is already calling him out. He frowns, though, surprisingly. There is more to it than that. He glances away.]
That is what the pet shop is for. [Quietly.] That's the duty I've been given.
He really is just out here being pointed for no reason, though. WHY DID HE DECIDE TO ATTACK D!!! He didn't do it out of malice but he really caught a whiff of D being funky about humans and ran after it. He's still holding onto his hand carefully... He's also still looking at D's face, even though he's looked away.]
Are you a mirror?
[A mirror that's meant to show the worst of humanity? A duty to unveil the ugliest parts of a person to themselves?]
Matsui really came for him, and yet, instead of feeling shame, or embarrassment, or guilt, he just feels... righteous! Righteous bitterness. His lashes lower slightly over his eyes, and then he finally looks at Matsui again.]
Humans must look at themselves and change, or they will destroy themselves and take the world along with it. The only ones who can save humans are themselves. Only they can repent for the things they've done.
He really did come for D though and for WHAT. WHAT DID HE DO THIS FOR!! Also help. D is really just out here. At least Matsui can understand this from the angle of penance... This appeals to his Catholic nature.]
Do you believe them capable of making those changes?
[Because he agrees that only humans can repent for their sins and that they're going to destroy themselves and the world if they aren't stopped BUT ALSO HE COMES FROM A TIME WHERE THIS MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED.]
Matsui will just level D a stare for another few silent seconds, his expression as difficult to read as ever. Internally, he's just like, WELL. WE WILL SIMPLY NEVER SEE THE DAY!! He doesn't dislike humans; he's just far from idolizing them. Being a pessimistic person in general means he sees the shenanigans they get up to and fears the worst.
Eventually, as if he's come to his own internal conclusions, his eyes close and he nods.]
[WOW, DON'T LOOK AT HIM LIKE THAT. He looks right back, unwavering. He doesn't care how many other human sympathizers out there try to convince him, he won't feel ashamed of thinking this way after (redacted). He knows Matsui understands at least a little.
Remembering about how Spoon almost apped Geto.]
The burden is worth it as long as I can protect the planet and the life on it.
[He thinks Matsui may understand this just as well, too. They are mean, AU Noahs...]
[STOP HE WAS STARING IMPASSIVELY STOP READING INTO IT D YOU PARANOID MEAN AU NOAH!!!! Geto being here would have been so fucking funny.
He does unfortunately understand both of these things, though. Sometimes you carry worthwhile burdens and sometimes you don't believe in the power of humans!]
I'm glad, then, that you find worth in it. I think it's a noble endeavor.
He's glad Matsui gets him, and he doesn't have to waste his breath explaining things everyone else writes off quickly as him being weird. A team full of weirdos!]
[We're in the cathedral because Matsui needs at least SOME happiness.
D wanders in strangely not lighting aflame. No roasting from this cryptid. He looks surprisingly intrigued by the interior, hands clasped in front of himself as he glances about.]
[HEEEELP A SMALL SCRAP OF SOMETHING JOYFUL ON THIS, THE WORST WEEK OF HIS LIFE. Matsui's sitting at one of the pews in the front, trying to commune with god.]
--Have you never been inside of one before?
[He does not seem surprised that D isn't bursting into flames because he doesn't know that D is an homage to Dracula. He doesn't even know how Western vampires work despite his highkey vampiric theming.]
[WELCOME TO THE PEW. This pew is his new best friend, as it gives him a place to pray for the strength and patience to not murder Rang with a rock.]
Ah, I see. [A little nod.] They don't have many in Japan, either... Certainly none as grand as this. I've seen pictures, but I've never traveled to Europe where all of the oldest ones are.
[NOT THE CAIN INSTINCT FOR RANG!!! THAT'S HIS BOYFRIEND(?). He glances around.]
There are a handful in Los Angeles. They look a little odd, this beautiful and old architecture sitting in the middle of a city that resembles the one here. Like a piece of history transmigrated through time.
[Rang is doing his best which is not great but it's his personal best. Maybe.]
I assume they wanted to keep the integrity of the architecture of the cathedral. Like this place, the beauty of history and craftsmanship would be lost if it was updated to match how the city around it had changed.
[there is so much happening in this chilis tonight]
I believe it's likely the latter, if so. [GIRL HELP. He's not even bitter but he's also not willing to give humans that much slack...] They do tend to turn their eyes from truths they dislike.
D is truly doing so much work, though. He's not even getting paid for this. Somebody help this man. Matsui will not let go of any of his albatrosses so it won't be him doing the helping...]
I do. [BINCH.] But this isn't something that I would regret, even then.
[Matsui just will not change in a single week, exactly like Ryo.
But D doesn't seem like he's going to really press Matsui about it too much. It's more of a gentle plea. Binch, you're both already dead, and now one of you is potentially going to be erased for good without anything being said.]
[He won't change in a single week or in a single murdergame, sadly... But D's out here trying, anyway. He's really doing god's work in this holy house.
Matsui looks like he's considering his words for a moment, though. It seems he might not say anything at first, but eventually, as he's looking at one of the angelic statues ahead, he settles on:]
Regret serves as a reminder. It's one that I need to carry.
He watches Matsui curiously, quietly. He doesn't rush any answer, just listens for the one he receives.]
I don't think you're wrong. It is a reminder. I don't think it's wrong not to forget it either. But... I think much of what makes life beautiful will pass you by if you don't move forward through it. And I think any sacrifices others have made will be for nothing.
Me, for instance. If I kept looking back at the things I regret while I was alive, I would not be able to continue with my duty.
[Matsui doesn't like the idea of other people making sacrifices for or about him in any way... He just wants to vibe until he gets erased listen he isn't here wanting to carry the additional burden of having to move forward for the sake of others.
Moving forward is something he hates, anyway. Everything about him is anchored firmly in the past. He folds his hands together in his lap, quiet.]
If you need to move forward to proceed with your duty, then it makes sense, not allowing yourself to be chained to what's behind you.
D nods a little in acknowledgment. He would pat Matsui on the shoulder or the hand if it was touch week, but unfortunately now we are back to being polite tch.]
Then I think you’ll be alright. Mr. Matsui. You, and Mr. Buzen, and Mr. Rang.
Also help can't believe they're both back to being prim and proper gothic Victorians. Also the way he immediately looks a little irritated at the mention of Rang fucking help.]
[D comes into the cathedral. It's clear it's him simply by the way in which he walks, graceful and light, but sure.
Though the tippy-tap of nails is also more reason why it's him. T-chan. Rather than sit by Matsui as he's done before, he sits across the middle aisle in the pews on the other side, but near where Matsui is.]
[Matsui had been in the midst of some prayer or another, but is paying enough attention to his surroundings by now to notice another person's arrival. It's familiar, and his heart wells up with too many emotions for him to make heads or tails of.
He remains silent for a few moments, hands still clasped together, the knuckles of his exposed hand going white.
But eventually:]
...You have taken Rin's life, and with my actions today, I have helped to take yours. It is a weight that I will be sure to carry.
[He doesn't take the trade or barter of lives lightly.]
[T-chan's huff is pretty much a whine. It sounds like he sits; it must be by the pew where D is also sitting. The pew itself doesn't creak, so D is sitting still, probably with his hands folded in his lap.]
I'll allow you to be burdened by this weight just this once.
[This isn't offered rudely.]
Perhaps I can go on and be reborn again as things should be.
[He accepts the response with more grace than he feels he can wring out of his body, currently, but manages it as well as he's managed everything else this week.
There's a heavy silence.
...]
I will pray that you are.
[He says to this person who ISN'T CATHOLIC AT ALL but listen, he's a versatile creature, he can pray to many gods.
Matsui is full of wrath and can be merciless, but ultimately, he just wants for suffering to end. His own, and everyone else's.]
[Snatches the burden right out of Matsui's hands and runs away.]
Thank you.
[It doesn't bother him that the prayer is Catholic or anything. It's the thought that counts. Even if the thought may only be a little bit genuine. He can't say.]
I know you dislike Mr. Rang, [he can tell] but please take care of him. I think he hides the fact he has a good, but hurt heart. You may be offended by my saying so, but I believe he's a lot like you two.
He thinks he's beheld by his nature, not understanding he has a body which is more nuanced than that. A body with a heart and feelings he can't shut out.
[THAT'S HIS BURDEN NOW NO ONE CAN TAKE THIS FROM HIM
He doesn't think it's a matter worth thanks, though, but he won't verbalize that aloud. They're all already LIVING ON THE EDGE they don't need a last push.
Also this is so funny. Valid, though. He may bristle a little at the comparison, but it's not like he hasn't seen the similarities. Especially between Rang and himself, unfortunately.]
...I can't make any promises, but I will try.
[Because he DOESN'T LIKE RANG!! But it's not like he's actively after the guy. He will, however, absolutely murder him the second he crosses the wrong line.]
--Did you already know? When we spoke earlier this week.
Matsui getting mad when it's just himself as the dog looking into the mirror. IT'S SO FUNNY. This team is a fucking disaster hellscape. Goodbye to Rang, joining D's fate because SOME PEOPLE have to be human sympathizers. Damn why couldn't Ryo, Knives, or GETO (looks at spoon) be in this game.]
ALSO YEAH THAT'S LITERALLY HIM. THIS TEAM IS SO STUPID. Get Rang over here tape that man to life. Or just watch the whole team launch itself into the abyss, that'd also be hilarious.
He's going to look in the sound of D's voice at that, though. He still can't SEE but it's fine, he doesn't need to see D's eyes dead-on to convey the emotion behind his stare, which is very much dead inside.]
[The way it really was because the swords would have done a murder if he'd gotten away. Fuckin wild. Matsui goes quiet for a little while after that, closing his eyes even though he can't see anyway just because it somehow feels more soothing.
His hands, clasped tightly, loosen for a second before he begins to twist his fingers together.
He was poisoned and drowned. [That's the simplest explanation.] He would not come out, so I went to him instead. He was at his warehouse. We talked for a moment, and then he ran away, so I followed him.
He tried to swim across the lake in the park. I already knew this had to end one way or another. It had gone on long enough. As much of a monster as others think of me, I don't believe in prolonged, unnecessary suffering.
So I poisoned the water since that's the least brutal thing I could do.
Anyway this both 1) clears up Matsui's confusion about whether or not his psych was borrowed and 2) gives him one less reason to be violently triggered by this entire event. Y...yay!]
...Then, the marks...? Did he nearly make it back out...?
I see... [But this does give him further reason to relax, since Netzach had been like WAS I INTENTIONALLY FRAMED and Matsui was like ......WERE YOU????? Funny that he is taking D at his word, but he figures if the mans is out here not lying about Rin crying and fleeing, he probably wouldn't lie about much else.]
Do you know why only Netzach was affected by the lake water on Rin's corpse...?
[Can't believe Matsui is getting all the fears assuaged. IMAGINE IF THIS HAD BEEN SOMEONE MORE LIKE TSURU WHO WAS RUDE ABOUT IT. But no, even if D doesn't LIKE humans, he can not be an asshole on the outside.]
I don't know. I had assumed Haru and some of the others would begin to get sick later, but they didn't. The poison wore off, I guess.
[FUCKING TSURUMARU KUNINAGAAAAAA THIS IS SO FUNNY NOT MATSUI'S UNHOLY FURY BEING BROUGHT DOWN TO NORMAL LEVELS.
He closes his eyes after another second or two and just. Sighs. There's still a lot to be upset about, but frankly, this is much less egregious than what it had started to look like in trial.]
...I still can't abide by your choice, even though I understand that you had reasons for it. But if this is the truth...
[It's not up to him to offer forgiveness, of course. That's for Rin, if he can, wherever he may be. But for him, at least, it eases his heart if only slightly.]
But yeah, that's true. Especially since this is a group of BLEEDING HEARTS... His head bows a little.]
...Yes. There is no path forward without hurt.
[Because of D mentioning the call he got, he'd been turning scenarios over in his head. No matter who is called on or what they decide to do, whether they decide to kill or forfeit, whether someone else has to take their place, if they stand in trial and attempt to give themselves away or try to pass the burden of erasure to another team... all of it is horrible.]
So I recognize that it is my personal feelings that make it difficult for me to be merciful toward you, even knowing that no choice would have been a "good" choice.
[He said he would pray for D, and he's not the kind of sword who would go back on his word, so--
On Sunday, later in the evening, he kneels in the grass by the tree that they've started to put their makeshift graveyard together in, hands clasped together and eyes closed. Four crosses, now - each made from the branches of their first tree and fastened carefully together, set deep in the earth. Many are decorated with flowers. There is no one around at this hour, so he speaks aloud, as if there may be a way for the words that he sets free to be carried more easily to wherever these souls have returned, if they've returned anywhere at all.
His words are measured, first.]
With every breath, we share this world. With every step, we move toward an end. May we always feel our connection to those suffering, who deserve to find resilience in the truths that they carry within their hearts. Should they find peace within the confines of the system in which we must all exist, let it ease their burdens.
[And then, a little more freely spoken:]
May D find a moment's respite on the long path that he must follow. May the grief that he carries be worth what awaits. May he be delivered swiftly into a place of greater kindness. If life is a perpetual cruelty tied to the unchanging nature of humankind, then may he be freed from its shackles, from the hatred that holds him, and that he holds in turn. Please allow his body to return to the earth and bring forth new life in the world that he cared for so dearly, and allow his soul and mind to find tranquility in eternal sleep.
[In a strange mixture of the beliefs that he took on as penance and his own nature as a tsukumogami, he claps his hands together twice and then bows his head before the fresh cross. He then lifts up a garland of flowers in hues of purple and yellow, setting it neatly over the branches at their intersecting point.]
Though life and death both form an endless cycle, may peace exist in what falls beyond its shadow. Amen.
[looks up at my letter one of the only two letters i got to send.. my pain punches just for u and spoon with love xoxo...
Anyway IT'S TIME TO BECOME AS GOTHS. Matsui's standing outside of Lapin Angelique, hand pressed against the glass. Emotionshare week is no longer happening, so he's back to being an outwardly placid little alien creature... There's some interest in his expression, though. Whenever D happens to mosey over, he will offer a little nod of greeting.]
Hello. ...We don't need to pay for things here, correct...?
D languidly moseys over to Matsui who is looking longingly into the very gothic Shibuya store, his hands tucked into the ends of both sleeves. He peers into the store from the window, then glances at Matsui.]
There's an immediate increase in his interest when he confirms that they don't have to pay HELL... YES..... He only had to participate in capitalism for three weeks and he hated it.]
[This is such a Matsui thing. D steps back from the window and gestures, then leads the way inside the store for Matsui.
It truly is a guilty Catholic's paradise. He folds his hands in front of himself and glances at Matsui as if to say Matsui has free reign of the store. He'll just follow along with him.]
[A GUILTY CATHOLIC'S PARADISE i hate it here. Matsui glances toward D, but he'll start trotting off along the aisles soon enough. He's truly looking around in the same way that a cat does when entering a room with new toys - curious and intrigued but still reserved, like he does not want to be caught being too enthused.
Stopping in front of a shirt that would cover every single inch of skin on him.]
Oh... [Gently touching some of the ruffles......] ...These outfits are lovely.
[MATSUI IS SO FUNNY. D thinks this is the funniest thing to see, and he's so sad that emoshare is gone so he can't sense what Matsui is feeling when looking at these clothes.
He covers his mouth with his sleeve briefly, then smiles.]
This store seems to be made just for you, Mr. Matsui. We should get you into some of them to see how they look. I'll hold them for you after you pick them out.
[STOP HIS GOTH CLOTHES. Matsui is so spoiled, truly. Buzen carries all his shit normally and now there's D...]
--Would you like to try anything, as well...?
[Looking back toward SIR COUNT DRACULA HIMSELF. Even if he isn't wearing Western clothing, his general vibe is still gothic enough that Matsui thinks it'd be a good match.]
[He is just being polite!! He can carry a few while Matsui has a field day in the gothic lolita store.]
Ah... [DON'T LOOK AT HIM. Chinese Dracula... There are lots of in canon rumors about whether or not he's a vampire.] Well, I can try on a few with you.
Maybe I can find something that doesn't look terrible.
Ah, no, no. I think they are all very beautiful. It’s just… [He touches the edges of a shirt almost longingly.] I never looked very good in Western fashion. No matter what I tried on.
Though I didn’t try on much like this exactly… So maybe it’ll be better.
[THEY ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE HERE!!!! But Matsui just quirks a tiny little there-and-gone smile before picking up his pace a little. HE'S HUSTLIN. GRABBIN THINGS HERE AND THERE. Hilariously despite D's offer he doesn't make him carry anything.]
[Matsui, born with a natural aptitude for frilly clothing, is done changing pretty quickly. He waits patiently! ...And listens... to the sounds of D's continued struggles...
Eventually, piping up from where he still is in his own room:] D? Do you need any help...?
[A few more minutes pass, and then he finally emerges from the dressing room. He comes out in... a dress actually! It has a high slit up the leg on one side; however, he is pretty conservative, so beneath the dress, he is wearing some leggings.
This actually seems to fit him much better than a shirt and pair of pants.]
[HE IS SO MALICE MIZER. Matsui steps out when he hears D emerging from hell, too, wearing something like this. Love that he just fits the aesthetic so much that it's all over his fanart.
He sees D and he's just like !! because he personally thinks this is a very elegant look that suits him well.]
Oh! You look lovely... Velvet is beautiful on you. You want something with a lower heel, yes?
[Excuse him as he goes to rummage around and comes back with a coupleof differentchoices. Imagine the heels are a little less chunky or tall, truly finding short heels in gothloli collections is a nightmare.]
[HELP NOT LIKE THIS. D IS ALSO SO FUNNY... Why is he such a creature. Matsui will hand over the third pair, nodding in approval, and move to set the others back off to the side.]
That is a nice choice. I think they'll compliment your dress well.
[Imagine they both just show up to the pool party in full gothloli outfits instead of swimsuits.]
He stands up and fixes the dress again to make sure it is sitting correctly, and then he turns to stand in front of the mirror. He touches the lacy collar. Then he smiles a bit himself.]
It’s different, but not uncomfortable. It feels like a cheongsam almost. I like it…
He glances at Matsui and nods before moving into the fitting room again to gather up his other clothes. He returns and joins Matsui side by side and offers a smile.]
I'm ready. Did you find everything you were looking for?
[WHAT IS HAPPENING THIS GAME THE DESTRUCTION IS SO VAST AND IMMEDIATE. Well. Matsui, who liked both Shenhe and Lambda by the time he bit it shockingly, is just vibin in his soft sadness. Like on one hand, they aren't losing them?? They're gaining them??? On the other, they both just lost their immediate chance at returning to life. Ah, the unfair Sisyphean cycle they're all trapped in.
Presumably this happens after they go shopping for matching mourning clothes because im assuming francy is busy preparing to die all day tomorrow. Maybe they can be trying their fresh fancy garb on.]
...I admit, I had not expected either of them to fall.
[In general. GRANTED, BUZEN FUCKING DID so he guess anyone's possible.]
[THEM JUST TESTING OUT THEIR MOURNING CLOTHES HELP ME. The way I spent all this time trying to find an outfit as an example, but couldn't, so I will show it off when I do.]
I did not think anyone would go after Miss Shenhe... though I suppose both of them and I saw a little eye to eye on things.
At least one person may get away with what they've done. At least for a while if they find both. I don't think they will be able to split votes evenly enough.
We were only barely able to find Yuyu and Libby. Many said they doubted they would have found you, as well.
[He still doesn't regret doing what felt like the right thing to him at the time but even he had been like "holy shit D really would have gotten away with this so fuckin easily if his team had backed him". Wild.]
They may not even find either, depending. If they become too overwhelmed with theorizing and searching for evidence or piecing things together, they could easily lose track of potential leads. I would not be surprised if our first incorrect vote occurred tomorrow.
[Which he doesn't sound crushed by. Just his usual continued and morose exhaustion with the world in its entire cruelty.]
[Yeah. Yeah........... His turn to be BITTER. Some help y'all were as his TEAM! He really got on the team unconcerned with WINNING outside of Rang. God damn. Thinks about how any team he got on and did this and told, they'd all do the same thing probably.]
I don't doubt they will have the opportunity to find no answers. But I believe someone will come forward to volunteer if they are desperate enough. The vote will be incorrect, but... perhaps not a surprise.
[THEY REALLY JUST THREW D TO THE WOLVES. Listen don't slam his child murder trigger button next time and maybe he'll protect.
The idea of someone volunteering sets him ill at ease, a bit. Partially just by the principle of it and what it means, and partially because he'd seen people in the last few minutes of trial three times by now, wildly pointing fingers.]
...That may be so. At least in that way, we will know who we'll be welcoming before the day is up, for what little good it may do.
[STOP. Only the child made him angry unfortunately.
D's lips thin into a frown. He looks away thoughtfully.]
The choice lies with them now. I told them it would get harder and harder the longer this game went on, and they would eventually have to make decisions equally as terrible which they wouldn't want. Let us hope the culprits are someone like you and I and not someone like Haru or Ylfa.
But yeah mood. Matsui had asked people at the start whether or not they were prepared to move forward, and even though everyone had said yes, he hadn't believed a single one of them.]
The winning team will have to bear every lost life here... The journey to get there-- I would hope that it would be as painless as possible, but even the most merciful options here are painful ones.
[It riles him and makes his heart hurt, because as ever, the last thing Matsui wants is for people to suffer needlessly.]
It would have been kinder to merely send us all to oblivion.
[Everyone: YES!!! Everyone now: wait, hold on a minu--]
I think pain is the point.
[If his line of "work" was anything to go by. It was quite similar to how this game is functioning right now regardless of whether or not it's apparently functioning correctly.
D could have been a Composer...]
Yes, it probably would. But... I don't think that is the intention of who- or whatever is altering this game. Supposedly.
Also D... Please... D!!!!! Matsui would be enemies with every Composer. i think tsuru is out there somewhere. His expression is difficult to read, as is his tone, but there's something about it that seems a little more distant than usual.]
Supposedly. The Game itself seems to exist as a painful trial even without the alterations that may be happening, though...
[Why is every higher power so cruel. (bumper sticker voice) how can a loving god cause such agony]
[Matsui is fine, by now he's squashed his violent urges so he's just back to being morose and sad. He's probably vibing in the park even if it's nightfall because a little fresh air and flowers are always nice... When he spots D:]
[He still has quite a bit of layers on as well, so it isn't a big deal. He can dig another weeb robe out of the anime clothing store, or maybe find one in the lolita shop.]
[He shows up to greet the dead in an akatsuki robe]
I am. Just-- ...frustrated. This is the way that the Game is meant to play out, and yet...
[Matsui is morally grey to a greater degree than the other Gou swords but he still has such a strong sense of moral compass, even if it's weird and alien.]
Is this not based on a previous game before? And the intention of games at large is to erase one another, regardless of the cost, isn't it? Where do you think the tampering is happening...?
[Matsui has no idea where to even begin guessing, but his problem lies with the basemost concept of the game itself: a thing that encourages people to kill and lie, to spill blood without penance.]
[Haha… Unfortunately, D had played a very similar game back home, but he understands that Matsui would have more hang-ups about him if he said anything… so he does not.
May Matsui never know the truth of the pet shop.]
Supposedly. I do not know where. Nightingale would not say, and we haven’t found any clues so far. Perhaps it is something only they can fix. Perhaps they don’t intend to fix it so much as watch and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
[THIS IS WHAT THEY GET FOR STANDING ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE PRO VS ANTI HUMAN DIVIIIIDE.]
I heard that the reason we are here is because they intervened and stopped us from proceeding as usual after being erased, because "something worse" could have happened. Do you not believe it to be so?
[GIVE ME..... THE DEETS............d...eets....... get it... anyway here is my memshare menu and im of course down to trade multiple mems in this tinier memshare pool economy!!!
Matsui, in the meantime, is still dressed in the maid outfit. Why. He's just taken to it for the day, apparently?? It's fine. He's on his way out from a building and appears to have a destination in mind, but he'll stop when he spots D, the only other binch in this graveyard besides Lambda and maybe Yuyu who he can trust with style.]
[GIVE ME PAIN BEATS YOU UP also don't worry about it. Matsui waits until he meanders over before gesturing in the general direction of their pet shop.]
I had been hoping... You more than anyone else here knows a fair amount about animals, yes? Is there any way that I could... [A beat as he tries to consider how he wants to WORD THIS.] --Is there any way for me to approach them without frightening them...?
[He wants to try to work past this.........
One animal isn't frightened of him, though! It's this fuckin noise pig!!! It scampers by behind D after he walks over and wallops him with a fun memory yeehaw.]
[The request visibly surprises him. He is so shocked! But then his expression softens slightly, the edge a bit playful.
At least he knows a bit more about Matsui, enough to wonder if the animals don't care for him because of what he is rather than how he has treated them.]
It may take a little time, but... yes, it--
[WHY IS THIS THE RUDEST PIG IN THE WORLD HELLO?! CAN'T HE HAVE A CONVERSATION?! OOOOOOOO I HATE THIS MEMORY I SAY ASKING FOR IT AS IF I DIDN'T KNOW HOW IT WAS ALREADY!!!!
Matsui can have one in return. Terrible for terrible!]
[THIS IS TERRIBLE THE ONE-TWO COMBO OF HAVING TO RELIVE HIS OWN WORST MEMORIES AND THEN HAVING TO DEAL WITH MORE CHILD VIOLENCE AND BLOODSHED AND DEEPLY PHILOSOPHICAL PONDERINGS AS TO THE NATURE OF HUMANITY AND ITS ROTTEN CORE NOOOOO WHAT THE FCK IS HAPPENING. Matsui literally just collapses like a sack of potatoes, truly he's just down on his knees before he can even register that he's out of the foreign memory, one palm against the ground as support.
It's a good thing this isn't emotionshare week WOW... He seems to be bluescreening a bit here but just give him a second, he'll. He'll be... back... soon...]
It isn't that he's fine with his own memories being on display; however, those are not nearly as jarring as being tossed through someone else's, experiencing someone else's altogether.
Feeling himself... like hard steel, burned hot and folded by a hammer, now honed and sharp and deadly. This... is his worst nightmare... becoming a weapon wielded by a human. It's awful. It truly is an awful experience, and he stands there afterward, stunned and throat tight.
He had not used a blade on Rin; he never would have used any kind of weapon. The thought never crossed his mind. And yet, the result may have very well been the same. It feels... the same.]
Mr. Matsui.
[THE FACT HE CAN JUST COME BACK FROM THIS SO CASUALLY. He kneels down in front of Matsui and very tentatively touches one of Matsui's shoulders with the tips of his fingers.]
[HE REALLY CAME BACK SO FAST LEAVING MATSUI ONCE AGAIN AS THE MOST UPSET BINCH IN THE ROOM!!!! Outwardly at least. And at least he's not yelling his head off about it this time.
Instead, he's quiet, trying to detangle the complex mess of things he's just seen and experienced. The balance of life and death. The taking of blood for blood. The constant, endless, miserable cycle of hatred born from love and blood spilling from both. The delicate web of misery that a spider must walk across, as though immune to what horrors lie underfoot.
Something about all of this casts D in a different light. One that hurts all the same, just shaded in a different hue. What a tragic thing. What a horrible thing. What a terrible burden. He's quiet for several long moments, and it's hard to tell if he registers the touch.
Then, in a very small voice:]
It's painful...
[The human heart, and all the ills that spill from it.]
[The words solidify what he already assumed plagued Matsui the most--about both memories. That's what they were, right? Memories...]
Yes.
[It's not like he could deny the suffering either situation inflicts on someone. Whether it's a sword cutting down a sea of innocent humans, or the endless cycle of love and hate humans are a part of.
His hand settles on Matsui's shoulder.]
I'm sorry. I'm not sure how... I didn't mean to upset you.
[It takes him a second or two, but he's trying to pull himself together. Matsui is truly cursed with the most explosive of emotions that continue to kneecap him, and only 3 years of practice with dealing with them. Wild.
D is so much more put together that even he in his frazzled state feels a little embarrassed, though.]
--It is nothing to apologize for. This place...
[He doesn't know with certainty that this place is at fault because he's only seen the fuckin pig like once because it KEEPS DASHING BEHIND PEOPLE, but. This feels like the correct direction to point the finger.]
...I did not mean to share such a thing either, though.
[MATSUI IS VALID. He really woke up with this nasty human body and nasty human emotions and :tails: it.]
This place.
[It's just an agreement. This place is turning out to be much more horrendous than they initially expected. That's fine. This is fine.]
That's alright. I...
[He closes his mouth, feeling his skin crawl at remembering what it was like to be such a loyal, unfeeling thing. And... yet... is that not what he is as well? A loyal, unfeeling thing. No. That's not true. Like Matsui now, he has his own feelings, his own opinions.
So much falls into place and makes sense now. In regards to Matsui. The shying away, the avoidance, the running from conversations.]
[HE DID!!!! HE FUCKIN HATES IT HERE!!!! THIS IS NOT FINE AT ALL AND THIS PLACE IS A CONTINUATION OF THINGS NOT BEING FINE but here they are, he guesses.
Matsui's eyes close, head bowing, shame and guilt flooding in, ever-familiar as they are. He's always running, and he always chooses to run whenever he can, cowardly thing that he is.]
...If you wish to, then we can. If you don't wish to, then I won't speak of it.
[He tries, at least a little, for the raw feeling left in the center of his chest over everything he'd just witnessed.]
[When he is trying hard to remind himself these are weapons made by man… and yet… and yet,
do they truly deserve his generational ire when, like him, they are their own person now, like this? When they are less sword and more human—and yet how he despises the humanity in them.]
I understand now.
[His hand moves from Matsui’s shoulder to Matsui’s head, resting there.]
We can’t change their destinies, but it is not weak to mourn for our failure to them.
[Matsui is always seeking absolution, notions of piety and reverence and wrath and salvation carved into the very core of his being through the blood he'd spilled. His eyes remain closed, and with D's hand resting on his head, it's very much, for a stutterframe second of a moment, like a snapshot of a heretic's baptism.
The understanding that D holds is not something he's grateful for, because it always harms him, knowing that others can empathize with this type of exquisite pain. Eventually, still speaking soft:]
...I don't understand why it must be this way.
[In his world. In D's world. Why are humans like this in every world, in every era? Everywhere they go, everything they do. He is not D, meant to remain separate, meant to carry the burden of hatred. He was crafted to protect, thrown into the horrors of conscious thought, and yet - despite the difference in their circumstances separating them by miles, it's this single point that they meet at.
Humans, and their endless, cyclical, Sisyphean existence.]
That is just how humans are. And… likely how they will always be if they don’t change.
[He understands Matsui’s frustration. He’s had that frustration for a long time, and he has only been around for maybe twenty or so years—in this life.
To watch then continue to disappoint him when he thought he was beginning to… hope again.
His hand slides down to the back of Matsui’s neck, and the other arm loops around Matsui’s shoulders. He draws Matsui’s head in to hug the other man gently.
There's a little thread of tension, not because of whose embrace it is but because Matsui is always the type of person reluctant to accept any form of comfort or warmth when in the throes that human emotion so often tosses him into.
The apology is met with a soft:] I am, too. [Because what else can they do but feel sorrow and apology for the world as it exists, and for the fact that they're also caught up in its ceaseless grind?
A few seconds pass after that, silent and heavy. Matsui is always in some stage of mourning, but it becomes particularly obvious in times like this, where he lets his head rest against D's shoulder and seems to seep through with that heaviness like an anchor on the sea bed. He's already asked this before, but he asks again.]
[He wonders if he should be repulsed by having to hold the embodiment of a human weapon. For some reason... he's not. Something intrinsically links them somehow at a common crossroads.]
I thought...
[But he trails off and doesn't finish. He thought. Was it a useless hope, to believe that they would? To see the parts of mankind somehow doing better than the rest? It feels like a betrayal... believing in that, believing they could change.]
I don't know, [he finally murmurs.] I suppose that is not up to those like us.
I am sorry they have used you to do terrible things. I could see... it was hard to be unable to stop it.
[D's little Sasuke hands holding a WEAPON OF WAR...
Just the "I thought" says a lot, and he closes his eyes for a moment. There are times like that, when it seems like things may change - but it's been centuries on centuries since Matsui's had such thoughts. Humanity is truly an unchanging thing.
"I don't know" is about the most optimistic take, honestly. He hums, quiet.]
...I suppose not. [Not for a bloody tool, not for a distant shepherd. At the last statement, he shakes his head, lifting it away.]
It is merely the fate I have been bestowed with. These burdens are mine to bear. [He has no love for humans, but he can't hate them, either. It is what it is.] ...I feel as though this is a weight that you understand well, too.
Without complaint, his arms and hands loosen, and he lets Matsui lean back, though one hand doesn't rest idly on Matsui's upper arm. Like he thinks Matsui might keel over like a swooning Victorian maiden.]
I do. It isn't... We should not share in that, but at least... I know someone else who is not me, or my father, or my grandfather does.
Anyway that's fair, Matsui does give off the vibes of a swooning Victorian maiden. It's his waif-like appearance and perpetual paleness, along with the ceaseless air of melancholy.]
...Your father...
[Bro there were
so many issues that that one single memory showed. Matsui's brow furrows very faintly, lips pressing into a thin line.]
[LISTEN HERE!!! Don't call out the issues!! Very funny that Matsui did not get any of the ones explaining anything about the issues.]
Yes.
[Oh boy. His hand lowers to join the other, laced in his lap between them.]
He... [Well, he doesn't want to burden Matsui with more, but he thinks Matsui could do with an explanation. It's already out for others because of these pigs, and... Matsui isn't human at least.] He had been trying to kill all the humans.
[HE REALLY JUST GOT SO MANY ISSUES AND NOTHING ELSE!!!! This is fine.
The explanation is not fine, but also, it's not his world so it doesn't weigh quite as heavily on him. ...Presumably, anyway. Maybe D comes from a time before the wholeass population was [redacted] but who even knows how that happened. The knit at his brow and increase in Melancholy Vibes are about the only things that give away how he feels about this.]
...You had said that it is your duty to shepherd, though. Correct?
[KILLING ALL HUMANS IS ALSO INTERVENING, D'S DAD.]
His smile is very faint. And wry as well. He gazes down at his hands, and then he looks off and away.]
We shepherd the living. But humans... [His eyes lower again.] I'm sorry, Mr. Matsui... It--
[UNFORTUNATELY, ONE OF THE LITTLE PIG RASCALS RACES OUT OF THE SHADOWS FOR THEM because I said so. D isn't sure if these will hurt them like the ones in executions, so he gasps and grabs Matsui's by the shoulders.]
Watch out!
[Two Victorian maidens are tossed over to the side on the ground as the pig oinks by. Matsui can have... TWO MEMORIES. As if he hasn't suffered enough.]
[AAAAAA HE'S TOSSED OVER AS THIS PIG NOISE GOES NYOOMIN LIKE A TYRANT... the way im like i should also hit you with another memory but which memory damb
Anyway, Matsui's once again take out of this reality by a memory he didn't ask for, and it's painful in an entirely different way, and also confusing in a way that's to be expected when cyclical death and rebirth happen like this.
There's something to be said, too, about the weightiness of a ceaseless grudge, the burden of passing down a last moment, the entirety of a people, of multiple species, bearing down on one's back. And yet, even in that moment, even knowing everything, even finding the human race a hopeless and hateful thing - D had still tried to take even one along with him. Had tried to end their most immediate threat of demise.
What a painful thing. Love and hatred, hand in hand.
ONCE AGAIN HE'S JUST FLAT ON HIS BACK FOR A FEW SECONDS, SILENT. Truly he takes some of these memories so hard.]
[We're just trading back and forth horrendous memories, not caring that Matsui and D really shouldn't suffer so much emotional pain.
This time, D simply lies on the ground by Matsui, one arm resting over Matsui's chest and shoulders where he had thrown them aside. This is the WORST, don't just put all of his insecurities and heartaches ON DISPLAY.]
It was annoying.
[He means having his mind palace peeled open for all to see, not what happened. Slowly, he pushes himself up with his other forearm, lifting his head, expression exasperated.]
I could do without this... non-consenting overshare.
[Don't look at him with sad little vampire eyes, hello. I was about to say this isn't Pandora Hearts because I was assigning them all vampires like they're in Seraph of the End.]
There isn't much we can do about it now, so it's fine. I'm sure you have questions regardless.
[He pushes himself up at least to his knees and legs, using a free hand to hold his face. They HAVE A WHOLE WEEK OF THIS. (It's already Thursday...)]
[DON'T JUST MAKE THEM VAMPIRES TOO THEY ALREADY HAVE SO MANY PROBLEMS
Love how with the way memshares work it's a weekly effect that happens 90% on Monday and Sunday. Matsui also sits upright, motions delicate. His expression is gently mournful in the thin way it usually is.]
...I do, but... [Even knowing they got here because of PIGS, he doesn't want to press into painful or unpleasant territory.] ...Is that the last thing you recall, before arriving here?
Thinking about how Matsui has been the only one to suffer two memories so far........ very funny. Thinking about how I have a third one that would mess Matsui up too.]
[YOU REALLY SAID MATSUI CAN BE TRAUMATIZED GOING INTO THE NEW WEEK!!!!
They are out here in the middle of the street, full of pain.]
I had... wanted to save him. No, I knew I could. The fall would make him pass out, and I could safely take him to get help which would allow me to leave.
[YEAH YEAH TRAUMA!! ALSO NOT THE CHRISTIAN BROTHERS AAAA.
Matsui does have a weakness to both kids and also people with kid siblings that they have to look out for... For no particular reason....... gets that mem out...]
...But you found yourself here, instead.
[Wow thinking that he'd died in the middle of trying to save that guy must have been a really unpleasant thing to believe!]
[It had been a little unpleasant, yes. He had planned to leave anyway regardless; any connection he had with Leon and Chris should have (and would be) severed. Duty comes first.
There is no room for hope and relations.]
I had assumed we died considering, but... I suppose that is not true.
...No. It seems that the end was not quite in the way that we had thought...
[He can recall asking one of the Reapers earlier if it wasn't a strange thing, for not a single one of them to remember how they died, because most people don't die in highly traumatizing ways. Most are just a little blink of light flashing out in the darkness of sleep.]
...How do you feel about him?
[A man that killed his father (FATHER-SON??) and yet, someone he still wanted to extend the kindness of life toward.]
The question makes his expression turn pensive, bunched in the brows and the thinning of his lips. He turns his head slightly away, and he doesn’t lift his mismatched eyes.]
I’m not sure that matters any longer. I’m here with a slim chance if returning, and what’s more, the detective has his own life to live. I am merely a summer storm passing through; if I did return at all, the shop would be somewhere else entirely.
Matsui watches D as he ponders through these things, quiet. He knows too well how it works - feeling one way, knowing that it hardly matters because of circumstance. Hearts are such a burden.]
Even knowing that it doesn't matter doesn't necessarily make it easier to set aside the things you feel, though.
[Oh--OH!!!!! OH!! OH NO. His eyes grow as big as saucers. He looks stunned! He looks at this, then at Matsui, disbelieving, then at it again like it might vanish before his very eyes.]
Mr. Matsui...
[SCREAM (he doesn't actually scream, but he does squeal).] You are such a considerate man!! [Hikari suffered this very thing once--no, twice now that I think about it.
[This is what Matsui gets for being nice and bringing him his favorite thing in the whole world. SWEETS! CHOCOLATE! SEE, even Matsui knows. Not about sweets, but he knows!
Matsui is freed only because there is FOOD. He is looking at it, starstruck...]
You didn't have to repay me... but, yes, this is perfect. I can't wait to eat it.
[ME FOR A SECOND LIKE A CHOCOLATE QUESO?? (realizes)
Anyway, Matsui's about to raise a hand to gently refuse the offer because he can't be messin around with his blood sugar at this hour (he can), BUT THEN. A PIG NOISE... AND A MEMORY...... UWAH........
Honestly it's less dire than some of the memories he'd experienced before, but that doesn't make it any less sorrowful. In some ways, this is more poignant in its sadness than even the sharp and biting edge of the memories he'd seen before.]
...Children do lose that connection, as time goes on.
[They're so spiritually attuned as kids and THEN THEY GROW UP.]
[Wow that happened, huh... Matsui is going to go look for D after the APPARENT REVIVAL PERIOD IS OVER WHY DID NO ONE TELL HIM THAT THIS IS A THING THEY KNEW. HELLO.
Well, that's fine. He's going to go look for D when that period of waiting is over. Where art thou... fellow Catholic.]
[Well, he TRIED to go back to the pet shop, but SOMEONE gave him very horrendous effects, so being there is hell on earth he's found. No pet shop. T-CHAN EVEN RECOILS FROM HIM. :'(
Instead, he's in the park, but not sitting like usual. No, he is pacing slowly like a lunatic back and forth, muttering softly under his breath.]
[NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOO NOT T-CHAAAAAN NOOOOOOO NOT LIKE THISSSS THIS IS A FUCKING MISERYYYYYY
Well.
This is fine???? This is not fine at all. Matsui's probably learned at least some of the basics of what's happened by now except so many of yall are shady fuckers that he may not have gotten the details. At the very least, he knows that it was something pulled from his memories. Thanks, Gou clothes! He approaches as soon as he spots D, hurrying his way over - hesitating only barely when he notes the pacing and the muttering. Paraiso makes people crazy so this is sensible to him!]
[STOP SAYING NOOO LIKE IT WASN'T YOU WHO DID THIS? WTF
Matsui's voice makes D's head snaps up. This is probably one of the only times he has truly looked genuinely mortified. He stares at Matsui like Matsui is a fucking GHOST.
He mutters something under his breath again that sounds kinda like a prayer? HELP ME, CHRISTIAN D.]
WHY IS D FUCKING CHRISTIAN. Matsui's briefly and very visibly taken aback by this. The way he didn't get a chance to experience his lasting cyoa effect because he had to stay blind, so he doesn't know that they're a thing that happens, really.
He hesitates for a second.]
...I'm sorry. For whatever happened to make you so concerned for me... [RANG JUST OUT HERE YELLING AT HIM FOR LEAVING THEM BEHIND AND THAT'S CURRENTLY ALL HE KNOWS it's fine.] I was here.
Matsui's looking more troubled now, though in that thinly expressive way he tends to have about him. Truly there are so many questions he has and so many things he wants to ask and he wants to see if D is alright, but before anything else, he has to KNOW.]
...I-- I'm sorry, but... Why are you speaking of God?
Matsui's not about to ask any direct questions yet, but he's picking up bits and pieces and trying to do what he can to organize them in his mind. And wow! What he's piecing together sounds, hm, bad.]
Is praying helping you? Does your heart feel more settled...?
[It never really helped him, but he still does it, anyway. Maybe it's like that for D in this moment.]
[YES, the joined little Christian prayer hands. Holding one another in solidarity…]
It helps a little… when it feels darkest. I know He is listening. Maybe I can’t be saved, but He will at least know I regret having to do those things. What I did there, what I did to Rin.
I’ll pray for you, Mr. Matsui… So He will touch you with grace and understanding. Living your memory… I understand now the pain you carry with you.
I ask for God to lift it off your shoulders so you can see the good of what He has created in front of you. The mercy He allowed you to give the people who believed in Him.
[NOT LIKE THIS NOT LIKE THIS NOOOOOOO NOT THEIR CHURCH MATSUI ISN'T EVEN A REAL CATHOLICCC HEEEEELP D IS A BETTER CATHOLIC THAN HE'LL EVER BE.]
You do not need to pray for me... It's my fault that you've been made to bear this burden at all. I'm sorry for you to understand this pain.
[And despite his placid expression, his heart really does ache when he says that.]
If you seek salvation, I hope that you will find it. Even if... your hands are stained, and the weight will never leave, you can wash the blood clean with blood.
[THIS IS TERRIBLE ADVICE SOMEONE PLEASE STOP HIM.]
God would want us to halve this burden and share it, Mr. Matsui.
[He starts pulling Matsui by the hands. I HATE THIS, he pulls Matsui over to one of the park benches so they may kneel down in front of it. Their pew...]
Let's pray together. [Holding Matsui's hands with his own! THEIR PRAYER HANDS!] We'll ask Him to guide us on the right path.
Unfortunately Matsui is quite comfortable with this so he'll just kneel with D in front of the bench. He still has no idea what's happening here but since he also became religious after Paraiso he's not questioning it too hard yet. Maybe prayer is actually helping him! He will kneel here with their prayer hands and nod.]
Please lead us in whatever prayer your heart feels moved by, then.
[Yeah yeah yeah yeah. It's fine. They are just out here in the park praying. Sometimes you DO get the Christianitis after a traumatic Christian event.
He nods at Matsui, then bows his head slightly and closes his eyes.]
Hail, Holy Queen, Mother of mercy, our life, our sweetness and our hope. To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve: to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn then, most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us, and after this our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary! Pray for us, O holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. Amen.
[Me activating the sleeper agent in you with my prayer.
D also is quiet after for a moment before he even lifts his head and opens his eyes. He offers Matsui a smile. IT IS UNNERVINGLY AND STRANGELY GENUINE, NOT LIKE THE ENIGMATIC ONE HE ALWAYS GAVE BEFORE.]
Yes. It felt like... perhaps he wasn't there, or perhaps he wasn't listening. But I think now... I understand. There may have been a worse fate for them, much worse than what they already received.
He wanted us to bring them mercy and deliver them to Him. A last resort for the people who believed in Him.
[NOOO HELP NOT THE GENUINE SMILE SOMETHING IS DEFINITELY WRONG WITH D. MATSUI JUST OUT HERE ASSUMING IT'S DEEP TRAUMA SO HE'S JUST FEELING BAD FOR D. Maybe he'll get less Catholic with time again... Maybe it'll be fine...
He gives D's paws a gentle squeeze though because even with this coated in so much Catholicism, he doesn't necessarily disagree that death is more merciful than life.]
They had already suffered through a great deal, and death was what awaited them regardless of how it came. Unfortunately, the moment the Shogunate decided to set an example, and the moment enough people decided it would be a potential way to ensure nothing so bloody ever happened again, their fates were set in stone.
[OH I DIDN'T CAPITALIZE MY GODLY PRONOUNS I AM GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL NOW!!!]
I know...
[Humans can die sometimes. Hehe. (He cares about it right now because he's been made holy. Maybe he should be evil Catholicism.]
It was a little too much for the others... Rin and I were with the Shogunate, and Miss Shenhe and Rang were with the rebels. We saw those from home, and we saw some from here.
[DON'T BE EVIL CATHOLICISM. GOES TO HELL WITH YOU AND TAKES D WITH US
Matsui is quiet for a second, closing his eyes again for a brief moment. By now he's scraped together more or less what's happened, but every little scrap of confirmation he gets is an unpleasant one anyway. Thanks he hates it here for himself and also all of them!]
...Yes. That is... what's expected, as far as I am aware. [Based on his own terrible ventures.] I am sorry. I'm sorry that this happened to you. I know that sorry does nothing...
[Apologies do nothing, promises do nothing, everything does nothing! And even though he's exempting himself with his remarks, Matsui is assigning him trauma anyway because he truly just assumes his new religious identity is a trauma response. Fucking help.]
I have already spoken to the others, but if there is anything at all that I can do to help counterbalance this weight...
[He shakes his head a little. They are still here at the bench of penance, holding prayer hands.]
You don't have to worry. I feel better now after returning. As horrible as it is, maybe Rang and Miss Shenhe should have as well. It seems all of the injuries are gone.
[Hehe except for the mental ones. :> YEAH!]
I am sorry I thought so little of you and Buzen, Mr. Matsui. Being the tools of men, I had judged you too soon, and I had not understood until now.
[NOT LIKE THISSSSS HEEEELP. Matsui just looks faintly grim at that. He fucking murdered one of those two. It's fine. Maybe he'll go back and kill the other one too.]
Death is a peaceful sleep, after all.
[NO IT ISN'T BUT NO ONE WILL CONVINCE HIM OTHERWISE NOW. The mental wounds remain and death doesn't heal those but at least it allows for everyone to hit the pause button and simply not feel traumatized for a while because they aren't feeling anything at all. Yeah!
Matsui is a little taken aback by the rest of this though. HELLO?? D??? D HELLO. After a second, he just shakes his head.]
...You-- Tools like us stand against what you work for. Your judgment is not unjust. After all, even if we are used to protect and defend, we still do so through spilling blood...
Also unfortunately he does agree with that. He is very much of the opinion that he didn't ask for any of this and he didn't want any of this but now he just kind of has to deal.]
...It is-- frustrating. To be pulled from place to place in life like this.
[Even now, they're bound by the mission to succeed or face an even worse fate, damn humans to something far more horrific than death.]
But I suppose it is like that for us all. No one has full say in what their life looks like.
Matsui is sitting in front of a randomass hotel room door genuinely, so if D is looking in the hotel he will PROBABLY FIND HIM??? MAYBE... Maybe not this is also on a different floor from where most people are staying damn DOES HE NEED TO TEXT.]
[HELP. Well as soon as he gets close he'll catch a blip of Matsui's thoughts which are currently very much ALL VIOLENCE. Truly man's out here thinking about cuisinarting whoever or whatever put Buzen on this mission.
He looks up, though, taking a second to reorient himself in the present and remind himself that there isn't any blood here.]
--No... No, thank you. [D YOUR PJ GOWN. He probably at least saw the invitation though so he figures D is on his way and that's why he looks like a ghost from the Muppets Christmas Carol.] ...I don't know that we'll be joining, but...
Matsui doesn't flinch or draw back from the touch, at least. The offer, too, is something he appreciates - but he shakes his head after a second.]
I don't... know that prayer will help.
[What he wants to do is draw blood, to slash and spill and paint the walls and floor and himself in that beautiful, terrible red. He has to try being NORMAL THOUGH, or at least try holding it together enough for Buzen, who's also only barely holding it together.]
Heavenly Father, watch over us here on this side. Bless us with the perseverance to continue forward against all odds no matter what will happen as we move forward.
Sooth our turbulent blood, and keep Mr. Matsui’s calm and refreshed. Please keep Mr. Buzen’s inside his body where it belongs… and also, of course, repair his spirit so he may raise his sword in Your honor, not with violence, but with prosperity and forgiveness.
We know Your everlasting love will be with us even during the times You are most quiet. You will fill us with that same peace so we understand.
[This is actually so sweet what the hell. Matsui's a little struck by the care here, even though he knows D is far from religious, even traumatically.
It does help, a little. Maybe not the prayer itself so much as who is saying it and what he is saying and why. But it does help. Matsui is quiet for a few long seconds after the last amen, hands still within D's and eyes still closed.
Then, he takes a deep breath and he opens them again, looking to D's face.]
...Thank you. It means much to me.
[That D would pray for him, and for Buzen, and hope for such goodness for them when they're such flawed things. Created by humans to slay humans.]
You’re welcome. I’m glad. I may not be a Christian, but I think putting faith in God during the times you feel he has abandoned you are more important than any other.
[Hehe. Strangely, the act of praying is rather comforting??? Like chanting a mantra, or counting mala beads.
Matsui’s hands get another gentle squeeze, and then he reaches one of his own out to reassuringly brush Matsui’s cheek.]
If you and Buzen are feeling a little better later, you should join us. We would enjoy having you there.
[IT REALLY IS SOOTHING... Matsui isn't even a real Catholic he's just a fake lyinass Catholic but he genuinely does feel a little less uhhh about to fly off the handle and stab the nearest thing that moves wrong in his vicinity.
The touch is also grounding, and in a way similar to Buzen, he leans into it a little. Not overly-much. Just enough to convey his comfort and appreciation.]
...Mm. [Perhaps there is something to it... Prayer! Wild!] --If Buzen wishes to go, I will accompany him.
[AND BUZEN DOES BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKIN STEPFORD SMILER.]
[Sweet Matsui!! He lowers his hand and pats Matsui's, and then he carefully stands up like a haunting Christmas Carol ghost except I for some reason forgot to send him to the curfew like this. It's fine.]
Good. Please take care of yourself. I'm going to go make sure Rang isn't acting like a fool.
[I WANT ANOTHER D THREAD so Matsui is just going to approach wherever he is after this whole longass day... that Matsui was unconscious for a part of... It's fine.]
Yes, I agree. Do y-you think... we can trust them? That we're doing the right th-thing... She said that Game was the one to decide the fa-fate of the others. What if we really do end up having to ch-choose... between ending all the Games, or saving everyone revived?
It sounded more like some people were upset that she "won" and thus made the current changes to the game accordingly... If she has already left something for us at the river, then I do not think that our choice will have anything to do with her game.
[...]
But I will do anything to ensure Buzen leaves this place.
[He truly ain't playing for the betterment of all worlds or the good of mankind, he's just going to do whatever will save Buzen.]
[The last part doesn't surprise him, and it doesn't look like it offends him either. Matsui would.]
I know. [He can't imagine how many people would fight them over something like this. Would it be their whole team? Rang would think this way too, wouldn't he...?] If ever a choice came to be, I... think playing the Games with the correct and original rules [i.e. coming in already dead] is less horrible than the erasure of any revived.
Yes. Nightingale is working on reforming the system, and while it is a terrible system as it stands, it would be just as terrible to strip the revived of their second chance. They have spilled blood and moved through the game just as we have...
[Matsui will truly go down with this ship, mostly for Buzen's sake and for the sake of their world, but also for the sake of everyone who had come before them and made these same difficult decisions. It would be like taking their burdens from them, and Matsui's made it clear what he thinks about that.]
...I hope that things will not come to it. I don't wish to fight allies.
[HELP HE'S JUST A REFRIGERATOR. He will gently run his hands up and down D's arms though, trying to keep him a little warmer that way.
But yeah, D sure does know, doesn't he! Which Matsui is kind of selfishly grateful for, because while he gets what everyone else was trying to do, it is truly difficult attempting to explain to a group of people why their reasoning and logic as to why this technically doesn't count as changing the past doesn't actually mean anything to them.]
...I am trying not to think overly-much of it. We seem to be fine, so far...
[DON'T JUST ACCEPT THIS AND CAST THEM BOTH OUT INTO THE VOID. They walk into the void of this place... together.]
I must have been around him too long. He's rubbing off on me. [This tracks for Buzen, he thinks.] I did find him racing around and around when he had come back from that adventure.
So using his feet is fitting. It doesn't tire you out?
That isn't surprising... [Buzen rubs off on everyone, damn. That also isn't too unusual, the idea of Buzen just running away from his fckin TRAUMA.]>/small>
Why would it tire me out? I'm not the one who is doing the running.
[He truly did nothing at all to help here. There's something a little like guilt in his emotional spread at that, though... He just holds D's paw, quiet for a few seconds.]
...Yes. I-- Especially after going so long without an enemy whose blood I could spill...
[CLOSING HIS EYES. Matsui dislikes violence but is also kind of inherently violent, and having nowhere to direct so many weeks of Violence Buildup was truly haunting his ass.]
He will gently squeeze D's paw back, though. The desire to spill blood really is instinctive for swords in some way, and he feels a little better to know that D understands it.]
...I am feeling fine, now. [He worked some of it out and now his blood is no longer awake...] ...Tired. And a little sad, but... fine. [...] How do you feel about all of this, D?
[What a mood! Terrible mood. This really is a bit of a bummer on a whole, though not one Matsui's unequipped for.]
...Buzen was going to ask some of you, I think. Whether or not you would want to come to our world.
[D had been among the names mentioned, but:] He said he would knowing that most of you would refuse, because you have duties of your own. ...And I do not think you would enjoy it, regardless.
[Living in a Citadel full of swords all striving to protect mankind.]
[Begging you not to acknowledge how equipped he is for depression.]
Ah...
[This is sweet!! And very much like Buzen Gou. He smiles wryly.]
You're very kind. Your Citadel was beautiful; what we saw of it. I don't think it would be a bad place to stay. Though I imagine my answer would be the same a few others would give me as well. If I offered you both and Rang a place in the shop. It seems we all have our duties.
It is definitely a Buzen move though, yeah. MATSUI'S JUST THINKING ABOUT THEIR TEAM FETTERED TROPE. They really are all bound by their duties in some way...]
We do all have our duties. [It's why the thought to go somewhere else had never once crossed his mind, even if his duty makes him want to straight up die a lot of the time.]
--I don't know about that, either. Buzen is more optimistic than I am... [He also likes the saniwa more, probably.] It may be fine. Buzen has a way with words... But I would be worried about the long term implications. Whether or not you would be scrutinized by the Time Government, and what would happen after the war ends.
Their team was so self-destructive and yet had so much in common actually... If only they had lived longer... Would they have been the heroes or the villains...]
I understand. For a long time, and even a little still, I was not sure if something like you or Buzen could ever be inside the shop. You both truly aren't much different than all of the spirits already there... aside from being steel made by man.
[Waves his free hand dismissively.]
Then again, as selfish of me it is to say, better you be in the hands of Count D than humans.
It really was so funny though. Would have been hilarious to see what side they fell on but they sure got to bond weirdly in the graveyard about it instead which is just as good frankly.
As for where they eventually ended up... There's a little flicker of something fond and grateful in his emotions, even when it's still just largely Eeyore melancholia.]
...Thank you. I don't disagree. [LISTEN HE DOESN'T HATE HUMANS!! BUT HE DOESN'T LOVE THEM!!!!] Still, as steel made by man, it is part of our duty to stand by them, even when they use us to make mistakes.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w0, fri
hehehe he was right
Goodbye wet bush. He pulls Matsui upright and lets go. T-chan looks at both of them.]
That’s correct, yes. [He sounds a bit displeased in the way not knowing is peculiar.] I know some things that were going on, but… not how this happened necessarily.
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He's just nodding at that, though, once he pulls his hand back. Sasuga!!]
Some, I believe, are reasoning that we may very well be alive based on the gaps in our knowledge. [Placing a hand against his own chest...] That, and the lively state of being that many of us appear to be in.
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D is nodding emphatically along with what Matsui is saying. All these little weirdos together in one big dead group. Very fun...ny.]
I can't say I have ever died to know enough about what may lie beyond. I did not expect it to look quite like this, of course. Perhaps it is simply... limbo? Purgatory? Though I don't recall any rules before about being revived if you go to purgatory.
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Also truly this is a band of freaks. Anyway as both a tsukumogami and a Catholic, he'd been expecting really different afterlives, too! He doesn't like this one, he wants a refund.]
Likewise, I can't say that it is a familiar purgatory to me by any of the definitions that I have come to know it. Then again, we do appear to be in a place unfamiliar to every single person here...
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Yes, that’s true. I believe the young man with the hat… Jonas? He is hoping to get some answers. From who, I’m unsure. Whoever is overseeing this.
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I believe he's of a shared mindset there, at least. Many wish to confront our supposed... kidnappers.
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I see. I tried to see what he thought if there were no kidnappers, or perhaps, the kidnappers wouldn't have anything else to offer outside of the rulebook, but... as expected, he bullheadedly would have none of it.
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[Does he fully believe everything they've read? No. Is he entirely sure they're even dead? No. However, he is a dour enough person to expect that they're going to have to team up eventually and that people are definitely going to start being fuckin erased. It's just human nature.]
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He thinks about a conversation he had with someone back home.]
We will see how far others are willing to go to survive. If they will kill the only other survivor on the deserted island if it meant they would live.
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[Which he doesn't say with scorn or hatred or even anger. Just the kind of resignation of a wholeass sword that's seen so much bloodshed and the ugliest shades of humanity over and over again over nearly a millennia.]
Unfortunately, I don't think it will be a long wait before people begin to take matters into their own hands.
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I know.
[There's a somewhat judgemental frown in his voice, but it's fine. Ignore that.]
You're likely right. And the more reason someone has for being alive, the more desperate they'll be to obtain a chance. [Haha.] What about you?
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D's just spiteful and judgmental about it where Matsui is resigned though, tragic. His head cants slightly to the side.]
What matters to me is Buzen. What Buzen wants is what I'll strive for. [...] He's kind and his heart is big. He will want to return to the others, but he will also want to save as many here as he can.
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I'm not sure if kindness will survive in a place like this--not that it isn't needed.
[It's more he understands how quickly it might sometimes get snuffed out.]
And what happens when Buzen wants you to want something on your own?
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It will. In this case, it will.
[Because Buzen will never stop being kind, and Matsui will not let anyone kill Buzen. Simple!
As for that, he's just closing his eyes for a moment.]
Buzen understands me.
[That he can only do this much.]
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His eyes lower to Matsui’s waist, then lift again.
There is a lot of faith here. A lot of trust too.]
You both are comrades in arms?
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Anyway, this is before he's learned that the profiles are just out there in front of god and satan, so he's quiet for a second as he contemplates how to word this without giving them away. AS IF HE HASN'T BEEN OUT HERE BEING LIKE "humans this humans that" THE WHOLE CONVERSATION.]
...Yes. We're the same in many ways. He's walked with me through situations that no one else has and knows me better than anyone else. Without Buzen, I would...
[Just fuckin lie down and wait to die again honestly!!]
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I understand.
[Like, not in experience exactly, but in theory.]
I think it’s fine if you have the same goals. There isn’t anything wrong with walking alongside someone else who is important to you. However, I hope you will also not forget to consider, like the bush, how deserving you are to exist with your own desires.
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Anyway, he doesn't like this topic so he's running from it.]
...Thank you. Your advice is wise, though I apologize for giving you reason to dispense it. Are you very used to doing so...?
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I manage my grandfather's pet shop. People come to buy a pet for many reasons: love, loss, heartache, loneliness. They usually tell me their story so I can help them find the perfect pet, and I listen. So I suppose you might say that I am used to doing so, yes.
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Anyway this is a bit of a strange concept to him in that people just don't talk about their beloved pets on the battlefield, so his exposure is very minimal...]
I see... I hadn't thought the process to be so intricate and emotionally involved. It must be difficult work at times.
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Also people should talk about their pets on the battlefield, hello. (me voice, dying in agony on the battlefield) i have... a black cat... he would always halloween hop at me... i miss him (i perish dramatically)]
At times. We have a pet for everyone, no matter who they are.
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Also this is so fucking funny because Matsui hears this as such an ominous statement. There are garbage people out there SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ABOUT THEIR PETS???]
If you care about the pets as kindly as you do the plantlife here, then I am sure that at the very least, they're content to be in your shop.
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Thank you. We aim to make them as comfortable and welcomed as possible. I'm not sure if there is a single plant or creature who does not enjoy being at the shop.
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It saddens me a little that I won't be able to see it for myself.
[Because they're going to fucking LOSE-- No because even if he wins he has duties to do.]
w0 mon
Not really. Matsui does happen to approach when he's on his own, though, and reaches out to gently touch his arm. Touch week!! And he doesn't dislike D so he doesn't repress the urge, hilarious.]
...Do you have a moment to spare? I would like to speak with you.
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Gently, he folds his hand over the one touching his arm in greeting, and then he takes Matsui's hand as if they are old friends.]
Of course. You may speak to me about anything.
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Thank you. [Said sincerely... He wastes no time, though, shifting to face D more fully and letting him hold his paw.]
You have heard what the Reapers said about erased teammates, correct? That even if a team wins, it doesn't guarantee the return of their erased partners... And that the cost of returning one is quite high.
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Yes. It requires a lot of points supposedly. At least, that's what I overheard one telling someone else. Does it worry you...?
[He assumes this may be about Buzen......... But he will allow Matsui the chance to explain anyway.]
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Matsui nods.]
Yes, it does. [A lot of things worry him BUT ESPECIALLY THINGS THAT COULD RISK BUZEN'S POTENTIAL EVENTUAL RETURN.
Anyway. He'll just cut to the chase.]
So I would like to ask a favor of you... Or to make a deal, if you would prefer.
[He can manage some equivalent exchange even if he has no fucking idea what he'd offer.]
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He gives Matsui's hand a reassuring squeeze, gentle.]
Very well. You may ask.
[Time to steal two historical swords from the aniwa...............hehheh.]
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ALSO STOP DON'T STEAL THEM WHAT IF BUZEN DEPARTICLES HIS STATE OF REALITY IS TOO FRAGILE!!!
In any case, Matsui's request is fucking depressing because he's a depressing guy. He says it without an ounce of hesitation, though, because of course there's not a single scrap of uncertainty in his body about what he's asking for here.]
In the event that the two of us are erased but our team still wins, you must prioritize Buzen before myself.
[If it's really so expensive to bring someone back, then he at least wants this established, because he knows Buzen would refuse.]
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It's so funny that he is expecting something as heavy as this actually, but it still surprises him to hear, and the surprise shows on his face momentarily. His fingers clutch Matsui's hand a little more, something like a silent plead.
But he understands. And it would be rude to deny Matsui a final wish even if it goes against the advice he had given before, about thinking more of himself.]
Do you not think he will... break if he is forced to leave you behind? He cares a lot about you.
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Matsui ignores the silent plea because of course he does, even as he turns his hand out to gently take D's in turn. It's a gesture that's unfamiliar to him in that he typically reserves his handsiness for fellow Gous, but that's the beauty of touch week.
He's quiet for a second, considering his words.]
...It would be painful for him. Difficult. But either option is a selfish one for me.
[He wants to stay with Buzen, but he wants the good in his heart to win out, too. If the option is there, that part of him would want to give Buzen back, rather than hanging on and dragging him along to oblivion.]
There are others besides myself who need him.
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Unfortunately, D is extremely prone to separating literally any emotions and duty. So this is just par for the course. He's frowning a bit, but nods his head anyway. He offers Matsui's hand a squeeze of reassurance.]
Alright. I would like for that situation not to happen; however, if it does, I will see that Buzen is helped as much as I'm able.
[But!]
And what if Buzen asks the same of me about you?
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At the very least, he seems... not exactly settled by this response. But it's good enough for him for now.]
Thank you. [All he can hope for at this point is for as many hands to help Buzen as possible...
The question has him frowning for multiple reasons, though. First of all, he'd be fuckin shocked if Buzen thought that far ahead...]
...Then I hope that you will consider those others who still need him. He's our leader, after all.
[Matsui is just a SINNER who needs to DIE.]
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He cups his other hand over the top of Matsui's, like they are making a covenant promise. (They are.)]
I will remember. But I hope you will also consider how much he may need you as well. I'm sure he understands a leader is only as good as those he has to lead. I promise I won't harp again.
[He pats Matsui's hand.]
I just understand that every single plant and animal in the world is as important as the next no matter how many or how few there are. It's difficult to see sometimes when you are merely one of hundreds or thousands. But without even just one, life becomes much less beautiful and magical.
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He stares at their covenant hands, where his is being held so carefully, and probably disassociates for a second as he envisions them covered in blood.]
...You are a kind person. Thank you. Ideally, matters won't come down to this in the first place, but... I can't leave anything to chance. You understand.
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I understand.
[Instead of a pat, Matsui's hand gets squeezed gently between both of his own before he pulls the one on top away.]
I'm honored you would entrust me with it. It would be a shame if I were the first to go, [haha] but as long as you are still here at least, he'll be okay. Being on a team with someone you know is both a blessing and a curse.
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Are they still holding just one paw now. This is so funny. Matsui is still just staring at them like they contain multitudes, or perhaps like he's still disassociating a bit.]
To me, it is only a blessing. [Because he has no attachment to life so none of that part of this matters to him!] ...I should hope that you will make it through, though.
[But fuck Rang.]
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Yes, they are still holding one paw. Touch week means D is latched onto this paw, but even if it wasn't touch week, he would be willing to hold Matsui's hand at least.]
I will try. I have a rather important duty I can't abandon back home. So it's best for me if I return.
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But guess this is happening sure, their paw touchies.]
I understand... It's much the same for us, but there are others to carry on if we should fall. [Their CULT OF INSANE SWORDS.] I take it that it isn't the same for you.
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It's good you have others, though I suspect any loss is hurtful. [Now D is a sword stan... Damb.] Will you tell me about it? You, the rest of you.
I'll tell you a little about my grandfather's shop.
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Matsui looks a little hesitant, considering there is So Much he still feels like he can't discuss fully, but. Unfortunately D is currently one of his favorites, so.]
...Very well. Is there anything in particular that you would like to hear about?
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Anything you are willing to tell me. I don't mind. As little, or as much as you'd like. How about where you're from? What is it like?
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But okay, he can work with this. He's quiet for a second again as he gathers his thoughts - what he wants to share, what's better off unsaid.]
...We live together at the Citadel - all of us, swords from many different times and places within Japan. It's a base cradled between mountains. We grow our own food and care for horses, so as you can imagine, we have great swaths of land. There are roughly fifty or so of us there, now, and we take turns completing chores and tasks to keep things running smoothly.
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It sounds wonderful. You all sound like very hard workers, too. I never imagined meeting the spirits of swords given a form, so I'm honored.
Your Citadel reminds me a little of my grandfather's shop. We have any animals you can imagine; plants sometimes as well. The shop is in cities for business, but the inside has all the room everyone needs.
Forests, oceans, mountains. Wherever they desire to stay comfortably.
[Hands Matsui lore because he's a funky lil freak too.]
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Many of us are. I would not call myself a hard worker. [FUCKING HELP.
He listens with curiosity as D explains his magic whacky wonderland of a shop, though... Uwah, sasuga, sugoi.]
So that is how you ensure every animal and pet has what it needs... [MAGIC.] Are you an onmyodo? Mage?
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The question makes him laugh wryly and quietly.]
I’m not sure if that’s what you would call me technically, but it is something like it in a way.
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This is such a bizarre answer though fucking help.]
Hm? What would you call yourself, then...?
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...A shepherd. I believe that's probably the best way to put it. My grandfather, my father, and I...
[Gazing wistfully off, a little sad. In a bittersweet way. This doesn't explain the weird magic shop, but it's fine.]
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Then you have been doing this for some time.
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A shepherd's duty is never finished until all of the flock is in pasture. We continue our duty on and on until it becomes true.
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...Do you wish to gather all plants and animals into your shop?
[Said with his head canted to the side and a look that's just purely ?????? on his face. Insofar as his expressions normally extend, anyway.]
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D laughs softly.]
Yes, of course. Nothing is better than having new plants and animals to care for and keep.
[And other (redacted) reasons why, but yeah.]
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me aki looking at those redacted reasons. Matsui can't read brackets but he still feels faintly as if this is not the full story... He sure didn't give the full story on his end either though, so he ain't about to pry.]
It sounds like a very kind pursuit...
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They are both out here saving some lore for later CR or maybe even memshare if neither of them are dead.]
Thank you. Nature should have a place of reprieve from the hunting humans do.
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That makes sense. [HUMANS. They're out here destroying the planet... The only reason they don't in his world is because they get fucking nuked in a mysterious event that digitarou still hasn't explained HELP US.]
It's quite the endeavor for one family...
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Matsui just nodding silently along with this despite the fact humans are important to him, very funny. How much more would D love Matsui if he know about Matsui's depression.......... ALSO HELP THEY REALLY WILL BE LIKE SURPRISE :) (drops this lore out of the blue as an event)]
It's a duty we've had for a long time.
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Anyway that's very sasuga and all but Matsui's just giving him a mildly ponderous look.]
A long time outside of the human standard of "long"?
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He watches Matsui's face, and at first, he doesn't say anything as if he's hesitant. Then, quietly, he says,]
...Yes.
[Because he thinks Matsui will understand. And because Matsui is not human.]
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It must be strange for you to be here, then.
[Long-lived things tend to have a weird relationship with death as far as he knows it...]
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Yes, but... I suppose that is why I was told there are two of us. My fa... [His brows furrow.] My son and I.
Though I don't believe I should be here regardless. So I must go back, so there will always be two.
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Also look he doesn't mean to call D out, but it's just what makes sense for him...]
I can understand that, as well. [HE SHOULDN'T BE IN A HUMAN AFTERLIFE?? Something happened here.] ...I am sorry that you've been burdened in such a way, though. I hope that you are able to return to your son and continue your work.
[He also feels a little tiny bit guilty because not even D's desire to go back to his son and his duty will keep Matsui from mcdying if Buzen does.]
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WAIT YOU CAN'T DIE YOU STUPID ASS SWORD THEY NEED AS MANY PEOPLE AS THEY CAN GET TO TRY GETTING BUZEN BACK FOR YOU, DUMBASS THE POINTS]
Perhaps this is the space of time between the end and the return. I can only hope. A blip I won't remember when I take my first breath again.
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Also don't worry about it it's fine. His head dips a little and he's silent for a moment.]
What a poetic framing... I should hope for the same, then.
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If we all work together, it shall be. Even if one of us is erased, the rest of us have an opportunity to bring them back, but not without each other.
[This has the same energy as the "looks at the swords but not at any one in particular" blimp ride.]
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Certainly so... [WELL ANYWAY BYE.] --In any case, I've taken up more than enough of your time. Thank you for hearing me out.
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You aren't any bother. I don't mind if you ever would like company. But you're welcome.
[Matsui's hand gets another light squeeze, and then he lets go so Matsui doesn't feel like he has to stay. He isn't an expert on animals not to understand some people will skittishly zoom away to avoid acknowledgment.]
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Thank you... I'll keep that in mind.
[Somewhere far away from here BYE!! He's not running you're running.]
w0, sat post trial
This is one of the three people he will take the time to hunt for on purpose. He doesn't mind if Matsui and Buzen are together, but he does see if he can run into either of them or both of them at some point.
Hopefully neither of them are disassociating.]
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You're faring well, I assume?
[Said as more of an automatic greeting than any statement of actual concern. He doesn't even mean this scathingly, D just doesn't seem like the type of person to him that would be ruffled by this.]
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I am alright. How are you faring, Mr. Matsui?
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But for now everyone gets to continue catching these hands. Matsui will reach out and take D's offered hand carefully!]
Fair, given the circumstances. [When you're a traumatized sword so trial itself did nothing but your favorite person did disassociate for like 4 hours straight.] It isn't so far from what I had anticipated.
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I thought so, too. I believe a handful of others had not expected it, or had never been through anything like it, so it shocked them terribly.
[humans......... weenies]
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Yes... That's true. [PEERING AT D.] A handful of them gave you a hard time, earlier.
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All of the strange cryptids standing around like the John Travolta gif while the humans lose their minds.]
They did. That's alright. Most people don't mind me, but I'm used to a few of them giving me a hard time.
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Anyway, he's quiet for a second, just staring at D with his freaky little too-bright blue eyeballs and his impassive expression. Then:]
They would likely not give you a hard time if you didn't dig at them in such ways. [Binch.] ...But I imagine you have your reasons.
[He really is stuck on a team with two human haters who just paint themselves as intentionally suspicious just to rile people up.]
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Humans like to hide their prejudices behind their fear. They want to label you, and when they can't, they want you gone. Their reactions said more about them than it did me.
[There's probably a teeny tiny bit of bitterness here, but he really just offers it as a casual opinion.]
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Anyway this casual opinion is, as far as Matsui is concerned, pretty correct? It's pretty Sasuga Humans honestly. HE'S A MISANTHROPE even if he still largely wants the best for humanity. He sure doesn't love them blindly in the same way SOME SWORDS do KASHUU!!!!!
At the same time, he knows bait when he sees it. D is someone he feels closer to than most here if just by virtue of the fact that he allowed him to put Buzen first, but Matsui is also the kind of person who can't help but pry at loose floorboards a bit.]
Do you feel satisfied when you can say or do things that get them to reveal that about themselves?
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Yes.
[LOOK, he will just be honest because it's Matsui, and Matsui is already calling him out. He frowns, though, surprisingly. There is more to it than that. He glances away.]
That is what the pet shop is for. [Quietly.] That's the duty I've been given.
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He really is just out here being pointed for no reason, though. WHY DID HE DECIDE TO ATTACK D!!! He didn't do it out of malice but he really caught a whiff of D being funky about humans and ran after it. He's still holding onto his hand carefully... He's also still looking at D's face, even though he's looked away.]
Are you a mirror?
[A mirror that's meant to show the worst of humanity? A duty to unveil the ugliest parts of a person to themselves?]
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Matsui really came for him, and yet, instead of feeling shame, or embarrassment, or guilt, he just feels... righteous! Righteous bitterness. His lashes lower slightly over his eyes, and then he finally looks at Matsui again.]
Humans must look at themselves and change, or they will destroy themselves and take the world along with it. The only ones who can save humans are themselves. Only they can repent for the things they've done.
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He really did come for D though and for WHAT. WHAT DID HE DO THIS FOR!! Also help. D is really just out here. At least Matsui can understand this from the angle of penance... This appeals to his Catholic nature.]
Do you believe them capable of making those changes?
[Because he agrees that only humans can repent for their sins and that they're going to destroy themselves and the world if they aren't stopped BUT ALSO HE COMES FROM A TIME WHERE THIS MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED.]
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His eyes search the glowing blue ones, lips thin. Humans… making those changes… haha. Yeah, okay.]
If they’re willing to try, to not be taken in by their greed, or selfishness, or violence.
[Because in the end, as much as he dislikes humans, they are a part of life.]
Once they have earned the right to step on our ark, they will have succeeded. But that is not for me to decide. It is all up to them.
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Matsui will just level D a stare for another few silent seconds, his expression as difficult to read as ever. Internally, he's just like, WELL. WE WILL SIMPLY NEVER SEE THE DAY!! He doesn't dislike humans; he's just far from idolizing them. Being a pessimistic person in general means he sees the shenanigans they get up to and fears the worst.
Eventually, as if he's come to his own internal conclusions, his eyes close and he nods.]
That's a heavy duty to carry.
[Why are they Noah but mean...]
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Remembering about how Spoon almost apped Geto.]
The burden is worth it as long as I can protect the planet and the life on it.
[He thinks Matsui may understand this just as well, too. They are mean, AU Noahs...]
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He does unfortunately understand both of these things, though. Sometimes you carry worthwhile burdens and sometimes you don't believe in the power of humans!]
I'm glad, then, that you find worth in it. I think it's a noble endeavor.
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He's glad Matsui gets him, and he doesn't have to waste his breath explaining things everyone else writes off quickly as him being weird. A team full of weirdos!]
Thank you. It is a duty I won't ever forsake.
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More worlds would likely do better if more were willing to take on such burdens.
w1, mon
D wanders in strangely not lighting aflame. No roasting from this cryptid. He looks surprisingly intrigued by the interior, hands clasped in front of himself as he glances about.]
Ah, it's lovely inside as well.
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--Have you never been inside of one before?
[He does not seem surprised that D isn't bursting into flames because he doesn't know that D is an homage to Dracula. He doesn't even know how Western vampires work despite his highkey vampiric theming.]
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D just glides on up to where Matsui is at. SHOCKINGLY, THERE IS NO DESIRE FOR HAND HOLDING THIS WEEK!! He will sit by Matsui in the pew, though.]
Oh, I have, but not very often. I'm Chinese, so we usually visit temples.
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Ah, I see. [A little nod.] They don't have many in Japan, either... Certainly none as grand as this. I've seen pictures, but I've never traveled to Europe where all of the oldest ones are.
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There are a handful in Los Angeles. They look a little odd, this beautiful and old architecture sitting in the middle of a city that resembles the one here. Like a piece of history transmigrated through time.
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America isn't terribly old, so did they design it to look out of place intentionally?
[Surely they could have blended it in better... Damn Los Angeles be normal.]
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I assume they wanted to keep the integrity of the architecture of the cathedral. Like this place, the beauty of history and craftsmanship would be lost if it was updated to match how the city around it had changed.
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Hm... I wonder how they decide what things to keep and what things to change. A great deal has been lost over time, as well.
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[He is looking up around at the vaulted ceilings, at the lines and curves of the building.]
People with power decide a lot of things regardless of whether or not they have earned the right to have that power.
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Hm. ...Yes. I suppose it's that way for many things. Those at the top often determine the way matters will go for everyone else.
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I'm sure you understand that, yes? As a sword?
[The embodiment of a sword.]
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[But yeah he won't deny that he has a certain perspective about this particular matter as a sword.]
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I'm not so sure. I've seen many people who do not understand. Or, rather, they willfully choose not to notice.
[WHY IS HE SO BITTER.]
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I believe it's likely the latter, if so. [GIRL HELP. He's not even bitter but he's also not willing to give humans that much slack...] They do tend to turn their eyes from truths they dislike.
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[He sits and gazes around, listening to the stillness of Holy. Not the two of them sitting here and vibing in gothic silence together for a time.]
You haven’t changed your mind about Mr. Buzen, have you? What you asked.
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Matsui doesn't mind sitting in amiable silence and definitely prefers it to this line of conversation... He glances over, expression impassive.]
I haven't. On this matter, I won't.
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Good.
[Sometimes you are just checking because like 3/4th of the house have been fucking love arrowed.]
I hope one day you find the strength in you to tell Mr. Buzen how you feel, especially when there is a chance you might miss the opportunity.
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Matsui likes this topic even less though because he hates being so easily read by literally everyone except for BUZEN.]
...If I don't, that's fine. I don't mind it.
[He likes carrying emotional albatrosses because of his guilt complex.]
Just having a few more moments with him is enough for me.
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Matsui, please acknowledge these things, okay. He is trying to get you both to not be stupid idiots, but it's fine. MATSUI, YOUR DAMN ALBATROSS.]
I do not wish the human ability of living with regrets on you, Mr. Matsui. You don't deserve it.
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D is truly doing so much work, though. He's not even getting paid for this. Somebody help this man. Matsui will not let go of any of his albatrosses so it won't be him doing the helping...]
I do. [BINCH.] But this isn't something that I would regret, even then.
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But D doesn't seem like he's going to really press Matsui about it too much. It's more of a gentle plea. Binch, you're both already dead, and now one of you is potentially going to be erased for good without anything being said.]
Why do you think that? That you do.
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Matsui looks like he's considering his words for a moment, though. It seems he might not say anything at first, but eventually, as he's looking at one of the angelic statues ahead, he settles on:]
Regret serves as a reminder. It's one that I need to carry.
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He watches Matsui curiously, quietly. He doesn't rush any answer, just listens for the one he receives.]
I don't think you're wrong. It is a reminder. I don't think it's wrong not to forget it either. But... I think much of what makes life beautiful will pass you by if you don't move forward through it. And I think any sacrifices others have made will be for nothing.
Me, for instance. If I kept looking back at the things I regret while I was alive, I would not be able to continue with my duty.
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Moving forward is something he hates, anyway. Everything about him is anchored firmly in the past. He folds his hands together in his lap, quiet.]
If you need to move forward to proceed with your duty, then it makes sense, not allowing yourself to be chained to what's behind you.
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I knew this already. I wasn’t really saying it for my benefit.
[But he sounds amused, not irritated.]
You may do what you will. Just making sure you hadn’t changed your mind.
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He doesn't say anything to the first part, though there's something a little strange in his expression for a second. Then:]
I can assure you that I will not change my mind in this matter.
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D nods a little in acknowledgment. He would pat Matsui on the shoulder or the hand if it was touch week, but unfortunately now we are back to being polite tch.]
Then I think you’ll be alright. Mr. Matsui. You, and Mr. Buzen, and Mr. Rang.
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Also help can't believe they're both back to being prim and proper gothic Victorians. Also the way he immediately looks a little irritated at the mention of Rang fucking help.]
...And you, as well.
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But he's touched by Matsui pointing out his mistake.]
Yes, and me too. I'll keep my promise for you, and if you ever need anything, all you must do is ask.
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...I hope that you will also let me know if there's anything that I can do for you in return.
w1, sat
Though the tippy-tap of nails is also more reason why it's him. T-chan. Rather than sit by Matsui as he's done before, he sits across the middle aisle in the pews on the other side, but near where Matsui is.]
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He remains silent for a few moments, hands still clasped together, the knuckles of his exposed hand going white.
But eventually:]
...You have taken Rin's life, and with my actions today, I have helped to take yours. It is a weight that I will be sure to carry.
[He doesn't take the trade or barter of lives lightly.]
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I'll allow you to be burdened by this weight just this once.
[This isn't offered rudely.]
Perhaps I can go on and be reborn again as things should be.
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There's a heavy silence.
...]
I will pray that you are.
[He says to this person who ISN'T CATHOLIC AT ALL but listen, he's a versatile creature, he can pray to many gods.
Matsui is full of wrath and can be merciless, but ultimately, he just wants for suffering to end. His own, and everyone else's.]
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Thank you.
[It doesn't bother him that the prayer is Catholic or anything. It's the thought that counts. Even if the thought may only be a little bit genuine. He can't say.]
I know you dislike Mr. Rang, [he can tell] but please take care of him. I think he hides the fact he has a good, but hurt heart. You may be offended by my saying so, but I believe he's a lot like you two.
He thinks he's beheld by his nature, not understanding he has a body which is more nuanced than that. A body with a heart and feelings he can't shut out.
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He doesn't think it's a matter worth thanks, though, but he won't verbalize that aloud. They're all already LIVING ON THE EDGE they don't need a last push.
Also this is so funny. Valid, though. He may bristle a little at the comparison, but it's not like he hasn't seen the similarities. Especially between Rang and himself, unfortunately.]
...I can't make any promises, but I will try.
[Because he DOESN'T LIKE RANG!! But it's not like he's actively after the guy. He will, however, absolutely murder him the second he crosses the wrong line.]
--Did you already know? When we spoke earlier this week.
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Matsui getting mad when it's just himself as the dog looking into the mirror. IT'S SO FUNNY. This team is a fucking disaster hellscape. Goodbye to Rang, joining D's fate because SOME PEOPLE have to be human sympathizers. Damn why couldn't Ryo, Knives, or GETO (looks at spoon) be in this game.]
Yes, I knew.
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ALSO YEAH THAT'S LITERALLY HIM. THIS TEAM IS SO STUPID. Get Rang over here tape that man to life. Or just watch the whole team launch itself into the abyss, that'd also be hilarious.
He's going to look in the sound of D's voice at that, though. He still can't SEE but it's fine, he doesn't need to see D's eyes dead-on to convey the emotion behind his stare, which is very much dead inside.]
You intentionally left yourself out.
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Yes. Because I knew this is the fate that awaited me one way or another.
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His hands, clasped tightly, loosen for a second before he begins to twist his fingers together.
After those long seconds pass:]
How did he die?
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He was poisoned and drowned. [That's the simplest explanation.] He would not come out, so I went to him instead. He was at his warehouse. We talked for a moment, and then he ran away, so I followed him.
He tried to swim across the lake in the park. I already knew this had to end one way or another. It had gone on long enough. As much of a monster as others think of me, I don't believe in prolonged, unnecessary suffering.
So I poisoned the water since that's the least brutal thing I could do.
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Anyway this both 1) clears up Matsui's confusion about whether or not his psych was borrowed and 2) gives him one less reason to be violently triggered by this entire event. Y...yay!]
...Then, the marks...? Did he nearly make it back out...?
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NOT MATSUI HAVING A MELTDOWN THINKING D USED HYDRO TO KILL A MINOR. This is so funny. Should have let Matsui live with another's sin...]
Yes. He almost climbed out the other side, but died before he could.
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HE REALLY DID THOUGH HE REALLY GOT SO FUCKING MAD ABOUT IT. A CRIME THAT D ACTUALLY DIDN'T DESERVE TO TAKE THE BLAME FOR.
This is still really fuckin sad but at least it hits way differently than "D stole his psych to drag a young civilian to their watery grave".]
...I see. [RIP sweet Rin.] And the illness?
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Can't believe Matsui had the trauma taken away tch.]
I don't know. He cursed me that night, so I thought it was only me. But I guess he cursed all of us so people would know where to look.
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It's fine though he had more than enough trauma even without this.]
Ah... I meant the nausea.
[He fckin assumed the curse was D's fault.]
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Both of his brows lift slightly, then lower pensively.]
The lake was poisoned. The people who went in between Friday and Saturday were poisoned slightly, and they touched other people, so the poison spread.
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I see... [But this does give him further reason to relax, since Netzach had been like WAS I INTENTIONALLY FRAMED and Matsui was like ......WERE YOU????? Funny that he is taking D at his word, but he figures if the mans is out here not lying about Rin crying and fleeing, he probably wouldn't lie about much else.]
Do you know why only Netzach was affected by the lake water on Rin's corpse...?
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I don't know. I had assumed Haru and some of the others would begin to get sick later, but they didn't. The poison wore off, I guess.
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He closes his eyes after another second or two and just. Sighs. There's still a lot to be upset about, but frankly, this is much less egregious than what it had started to look like in trial.]
...I still can't abide by your choice, even though I understand that you had reasons for it. But if this is the truth...
[It's not up to him to offer forgiveness, of course. That's for Rin, if he can, wherever he may be. But for him, at least, it eases his heart if only slightly.]
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It's the truth.
[That's all he says, though. He doesn't make any attempt to plead or beg with Matsui to believe him, or to emphasize again what all he's said.]
No matter who I would have erased, someone would have been angry.
[The only person he can think of is maybe Rang, but even then, there are people who like Rang.]
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But yeah, that's true. Especially since this is a group of BLEEDING HEARTS... His head bows a little.]
...Yes. There is no path forward without hurt.
[Because of D mentioning the call he got, he'd been turning scenarios over in his head. No matter who is called on or what they decide to do, whether they decide to kill or forfeit, whether someone else has to take their place, if they stand in trial and attempt to give themselves away or try to pass the burden of erasure to another team... all of it is horrible.]
So I recognize that it is my personal feelings that make it difficult for me to be merciful toward you, even knowing that no choice would have been a "good" choice.
w1 sunday im not late youre late
On Sunday, later in the evening, he kneels in the grass by the tree that they've started to put their makeshift graveyard together in, hands clasped together and eyes closed. Four crosses, now - each made from the branches of their first tree and fastened carefully together, set deep in the earth. Many are decorated with flowers. There is no one around at this hour, so he speaks aloud, as if there may be a way for the words that he sets free to be carried more easily to wherever these souls have returned, if they've returned anywhere at all.
His words are measured, first.]
With every breath, we share this world. With every step, we move toward an end. May we always feel our connection to those suffering, who deserve to find resilience in the truths that they carry within their hearts. Should they find peace within the confines of the system in which we must all exist, let it ease their burdens.
[And then, a little more freely spoken:]
May D find a moment's respite on the long path that he must follow. May the grief that he carries be worth what awaits. May he be delivered swiftly into a place of greater kindness. If life is a perpetual cruelty tied to the unchanging nature of humankind, then may he be freed from its shackles, from the hatred that holds him, and that he holds in turn. Please allow his body to return to the earth and bring forth new life in the world that he cared for so dearly, and allow his soul and mind to find tranquility in eternal sleep.
[In a strange mixture of the beliefs that he took on as penance and his own nature as a tsukumogami, he claps his hands together twice and then bows his head before the fresh cross. He then lifts up a garland of flowers in hues of purple and yellow, setting it neatly over the branches at their intersecting point.]
Though life and death both form an endless cycle, may peace exist in what falls beyond its shadow. Amen.
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w3 tues
Anyway IT'S TIME TO BECOME AS GOTHS. Matsui's standing outside of Lapin Angelique, hand pressed against the glass. Emotionshare week is no longer happening, so he's back to being an outwardly placid little alien creature... There's some interest in his expression, though. Whenever D happens to mosey over, he will offer a little nod of greeting.]
Hello. ...We don't need to pay for things here, correct...?
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D languidly moseys over to Matsui who is looking longingly into the very gothic Shibuya store, his hands tucked into the ends of both sleeves. He peers into the store from the window, then glances at Matsui.]
No, we don't. Would you like to go inside?
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There's an immediate increase in his interest when he confirms that they don't have to pay HELL... YES..... He only had to participate in capitalism for three weeks and he hated it.]
Ah - yes. I would like to take a look.
[He's stuck wearing his prep clothes help.]
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It truly is a guilty Catholic's paradise. He folds his hands in front of himself and glances at Matsui as if to say Matsui has free reign of the store. He'll just follow along with him.]
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Stopping in front of a shirt that would cover every single inch of skin on him.]
Oh... [Gently touching some of the ruffles......] ...These outfits are lovely.
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He covers his mouth with his sleeve briefly, then smiles.]
This store seems to be made just for you, Mr. Matsui. We should get you into some of them to see how they look. I'll hold them for you after you pick them out.
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--Would you like to try anything, as well...?
[Looking back toward SIR COUNT DRACULA HIMSELF. Even if he isn't wearing Western clothing, his general vibe is still gothic enough that Matsui thinks it'd be a good match.]
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Ah... [DON'T LOOK AT HIM. Chinese Dracula... There are lots of in canon rumors about whether or not he's a vampire.] Well, I can try on a few with you.
Maybe I can find something that doesn't look terrible.
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Ah? Do you dislike this type of style...?
[Oh no why does D think they look terrible THIS IS SO SAD... He's still going to force D to play dress-up with him but still!!!]
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Ah, no, no. I think they are all very beautiful. It’s just… [He touches the edges of a shirt almost longingly.] I never looked very good in Western fashion. No matter what I tried on.
Though I didn’t try on much like this exactly… So maybe it’ll be better.
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Oh... [This is truly so sad...] --Maybe it will be. We can try a few things, if you would like?
[He's gonna put D in a dress.]
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Fortunately for Matsui, D sometimes wears cheongsam, so he would not out up a dress fight. Whether or not it looked good is up for debate however.]
Sure. Well? These clothes won’t be here all day, Mr. Matsui, they’re selling out fast.
[Hehe. THEY ARE LITERALLY THE ONLY PEOPLE IN HERE.]
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--How do you feel about heels?
[Is he trying to commit murder.]
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He follows along, pausing here and there to pluck up some things for himself which hopefully won’t look awful on him. He ponders Matsui’s question.]
I don’t usually wear heels, but… I don’t mind ones which aren’t extremely high.
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Then I will see if I can find you a pair with smaller heels that may suit you.
[So many heels out here are so thick and tall and chunky he's going to have to get D some mary janes damn.]
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[D’S MARY JANES!! He will wear some mary janes, yeah. And maybe some heeled……………… shooties.
He has all manner of outfit pieces in his hands and arms.]
Is there a particular reason you like this style…?
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Mm... I don't know... [His vampire theme is here to kick his ass.] I've always enjoyed the look of it. It's elegant and beautiful, I think.
[They have enough that he's going to start leading the way back to the changing room yeehaw.]
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He walks unhurriedly after Matsui’s lead.]
I see. They are very pretty. I think they fit you very well.
[He prefers all of his traditional dressing, but he can understand the appeal in the same way.
He carries all of his things into one of the rooms.]
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[uwa he's genuinely touched this is a sweet compliment... He's no Kashuu but he still takes some particularity in his appearance.
AWAY THEY GO THOUGH. From his room:] Please let me know if you need any aid in getting anything secured.
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Thank you. I should be…
[Well, he’s quiet for a moment with some shifting and rustling going on. There’s some murmuring!! To himself, of course.
“This way… No, this way I believe…” . . . “This is rather tight…”]
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Eventually, piping up from where he still is in his own room:] D? Do you need any help...?
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[A few more minutes pass, and then he finally emerges from the dressing room. He comes out in... a dress actually! It has a high slit up the leg on one side; however, he is pretty conservative, so beneath the dress, he is wearing some leggings.
This actually seems to fit him much better than a shirt and pair of pants.]
All I'm missing are some shoes, I think...
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He sees D and he's just like !! because he personally thinks this is a very elegant look that suits him well.]
Oh! You look lovely... Velvet is beautiful on you. You want something with a lower heel, yes?
[Excuse him as he goes to rummage around and comes back with a couple of different choices. Imagine the heels are a little less chunky or tall, truly finding short heels in gothloli collections is a nightmare.]
Any of these?
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Matsui’s compliment actually makes him a little shy. He smooths out the front of the dress and fixes the sleeves with a kind of modest air.]
Thank you… Yes.
[He stands there with his stocking toesies, waiting for Matsui to return. Imagine if Matsui just abandoned him like this.
He surveys the selection once Matsui is back.]
Those…
[He points to the third pair.]
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That is a nice choice. I think they'll compliment your dress well.
[Imagine they both just show up to the pool party in full gothloli outfits instead of swimsuits.]
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Thank you, Mr. Matsui.
[He will take this fancy third pair and sits on a nearby waiting bench so he can put his footsies in then. And lace them up. They look nice!!
He stands up with the grace of a man who is somehow comfortable in heels despite always being in flats. His balance is good…]
We look like a right pair.
[A PAIR OF J-ROCKERS]
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We do match very nicely, don't we?
[Hehe... He's genuinely entertained by this because Buzen never matches with him the lil shit.]
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He stands up and fixes the dress again to make sure it is sitting correctly, and then he turns to stand in front of the mirror. He touches the lacy collar. Then he smiles a bit himself.]
It’s different, but not uncomfortable. It feels like a cheongsam almost. I like it…
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I'm glad that you do. I think it suits you well, but ultimately, your opinion is the only one that matters when it comes to something like this.
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He feels comfortable in it.]
Thank you, Mr. Matsui. I would have never thought to try wearing something like this at all…
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Trying new things isn't so terrible every now and then. I'm thankful you were willing to give it a try. Shall we, then?
[Time to leave with their stolen goods...]
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He glances at Matsui and nods before moving into the fitting room again to gather up his other clothes. He returns and joins Matsui side by side and offers a smile.]
I'm ready. Did you find everything you were looking for?
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I did, more or less. If I wish for more, I can just return.
[His wardrobe is going to become so extensive... But!! He will open the door for D, time to go.]
w3 fri
Presumably this happens after they go shopping for matching mourning clothes because im assuming francy is busy preparing to die all day tomorrow. Maybe they can be trying their fresh fancy garb on.]
...I admit, I had not expected either of them to fall.
[In general. GRANTED, BUZEN FUCKING DID so he guess anyone's possible.]
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I did not think anyone would go after Miss Shenhe... though I suppose both of them and I saw a little eye to eye on things.
[Thoughtful.]
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Mm. ...It was easy to understand Shenhe. I feel as though I was getting to a point of better understanding with Lambda, as well.
[This game really decided to become anti-immortal/nonhuman so fast.]
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Did someone go after them for an honorable fight then? They wanted someone who would push back.
[Shenhe assigned nonhuman and sword because a bird raised her.]
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Maybe so. Or maybe they just happened to be strong fighters and there were other reasons for picking them.
[There is a little it of bitterness in those words but he tries not to foster it.]
...I suppose we'll know soon enough, even if the rest of them don't. Unless those who targeted them kept their secrets close.
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At least one person may get away with what they've done. At least for a while if they find both. I don't think they will be able to split votes evenly enough.
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We were only barely able to find Yuyu and Libby. Many said they doubted they would have found you, as well.
[He still doesn't regret doing what felt like the right thing to him at the time but even he had been like "holy shit D really would have gotten away with this so fuckin easily if his team had backed him". Wild.]
They may not even find either, depending. If they become too overwhelmed with theorizing and searching for evidence or piecing things together, they could easily lose track of potential leads. I would not be surprised if our first incorrect vote occurred tomorrow.
[Which he doesn't sound crushed by. Just his usual continued and morose exhaustion with the world in its entire cruelty.]
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I don't doubt they will have the opportunity to find no answers. But I believe someone will come forward to volunteer if they are desperate enough. The vote will be incorrect, but... perhaps not a surprise.
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The idea of someone volunteering sets him ill at ease, a bit. Partially just by the principle of it and what it means, and partially because he'd seen people in the last few minutes of trial three times by now, wildly pointing fingers.]
...That may be so. At least in that way, we will know who we'll be welcoming before the day is up, for what little good it may do.
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D's lips thin into a frown. He looks away thoughtfully.]
The choice lies with them now. I told them it would get harder and harder the longer this game went on, and they would eventually have to make decisions equally as terrible which they wouldn't want. Let us hope the culprits are someone like you and I and not someone like Haru or Ylfa.
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But yeah mood. Matsui had asked people at the start whether or not they were prepared to move forward, and even though everyone had said yes, he hadn't believed a single one of them.]
The winning team will have to bear every lost life here... The journey to get there-- I would hope that it would be as painless as possible, but even the most merciful options here are painful ones.
[It riles him and makes his heart hurt, because as ever, the last thing Matsui wants is for people to suffer needlessly.]
It would have been kinder to merely send us all to oblivion.
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Everyone now: wait, hold on a minu--]
I think pain is the point.
[If his line of "work" was anything to go by. It was quite similar to how this game is functioning right now regardless of whether or not it's apparently functioning correctly.
D could have been a Composer...]
Yes, it probably would. But... I don't think that is the intention of who- or whatever is altering this game. Supposedly.
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Also D... Please... D!!!!! Matsui would be enemies with every Composer. i think tsuru is out there somewhere. His expression is difficult to read, as is his tone, but there's something about it that seems a little more distant than usual.]
Supposedly. The Game itself seems to exist as a painful trial even without the alterations that may be happening, though...
[Why is every higher power so cruel. (bumper sticker voice) how can a loving god cause such agony]
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Have you spoken to Nightingale?
[Not that Matsui has to, but he didn’t want to bother Matsui by repeating the same information more than once.]
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He nods!]
Yes. I didn't have all that much to speak with them about, though...
w3, sat
He lets Buzen go first because of course he does, and then after a while, he goes to look for Matsui himself. Just to check on him.]
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--My apologies. I left without returning this.
[D'S ROBE. HE'S STILL WEARING IT.]
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That's okay. You can keep it if you're cold.
[He still has quite a bit of layers on as well, so it isn't a big deal. He can dig another weeb robe out of the anime clothing store, or maybe find one in the lolita shop.]
Are you alright...?
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I am. Just-- ...frustrated. This is the way that the Game is meant to play out, and yet...
[Matsui is morally grey to a greater degree than the other Gou swords but he still has such a strong sense of moral compass, even if it's weird and alien.]
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I'm not entirely certain that's true now. [The way the game is meant to be played, he means.] But we'll have to find out why that's the case.
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Is this not based on a previous game before? And the intention of games at large is to erase one another, regardless of the cost, isn't it? Where do you think the tampering is happening...?
[Matsui has no idea where to even begin guessing, but his problem lies with the basemost concept of the game itself: a thing that encourages people to kill and lie, to spill blood without penance.]
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May Matsui never know the truth of the pet shop.]
Supposedly. I do not know where. Nightingale would not say, and we haven’t found any clues so far. Perhaps it is something only they can fix. Perhaps they don’t intend to fix it so much as watch and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
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They went through a lot of trouble to pull us away from whatever fate otherwise awaited, just to decide to observe.
[But maybe that's just him being hopeful.]
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We can’t say this isn’t the fate that always awaited us, can we.
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I heard that the reason we are here is because they intervened and stopped us from proceeding as usual after being erased, because "something worse" could have happened. Do you not believe it to be so?
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Ah, you mean where we are now. No, that I understand.
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What do you think of what's waiting next, then? Whatever it might be...
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I had hoped I would… just return, to be born again as my father was, as I should be when I take his place in front if my own son. But I’m not sure.
Maybe we will be erased from existence and nothing more.
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This conversation is extra funny now knowing that they weren't dead to begin with. Matsui's so depressed and for what. Literally nothing!! The fool.]
...Maybe so. [...] I had hoped that others may return to where they wished to be. But...
[For him, that's probably the best outcome.]
w4 mon
Matsui, in the meantime, is still dressed in the maid outfit. Why. He's just taken to it for the day, apparently?? It's fine. He's on his way out from a building and appears to have a destination in mind, but he'll stop when he spots D, the only other binch in this graveyard besides Lambda and maybe Yuyu who he can trust with style.]
Ah, good timing. May I borrow you for a moment?
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Matsui, why are you still in the maid outfit?! D wanders slowly up to Matsui when he's acknowledged.]
Certainly.
[He may be borrowed. Nothing bad will happen at all in this thread.]
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I had been hoping... You more than anyone else here knows a fair amount about animals, yes? Is there any way that I could... [A beat as he tries to consider how he wants to WORD THIS.] --Is there any way for me to approach them without frightening them...?
[He wants to try to work past this.........
One animal isn't frightened of him, though! It's this fuckin noise pig!!! It scampers by behind D after he walks over and wallops him with a fun memory yeehaw.]
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At least he knows a bit more about Matsui, enough to wonder if the animals don't care for him because of what he is rather than how he has treated them.]
It may take a little time, but... yes, it--
[WHY IS THIS THE RUDEST PIG IN THE WORLD HELLO?! CAN'T HE HAVE A CONVERSATION?! OOOOOOOO I HATE THIS MEMORY I SAY ASKING FOR IT AS IF I DIDN'T KNOW HOW IT WAS ALREADY!!!!
Matsui can have one in return. Terrible for terrible!]
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It's a good thing this isn't emotionshare week WOW... He seems to be bluescreening a bit here but just give him a second, he'll. He'll be... back... soon...]
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It isn't that he's fine with his own memories being on display; however, those are not nearly as jarring as being tossed through someone else's, experiencing someone else's altogether.
Feeling himself... like hard steel, burned hot and folded by a hammer, now honed and sharp and deadly. This... is his worst nightmare... becoming a weapon wielded by a human. It's awful. It truly is an awful experience, and he stands there afterward, stunned and throat tight.
He had not used a blade on Rin; he never would have used any kind of weapon. The thought never crossed his mind. And yet, the result may have very well been the same. It feels... the same.]
Mr. Matsui.
[THE FACT HE CAN JUST COME BACK FROM THIS SO CASUALLY. He kneels down in front of Matsui and very tentatively touches one of Matsui's shoulders with the tips of his fingers.]
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Instead, he's quiet, trying to detangle the complex mess of things he's just seen and experienced. The balance of life and death. The taking of blood for blood. The constant, endless, miserable cycle of hatred born from love and blood spilling from both. The delicate web of misery that a spider must walk across, as though immune to what horrors lie underfoot.
Something about all of this casts D in a different light. One that hurts all the same, just shaded in a different hue. What a tragic thing. What a horrible thing. What a terrible burden. He's quiet for several long moments, and it's hard to tell if he registers the touch.
Then, in a very small voice:]
It's painful...
[The human heart, and all the ills that spill from it.]
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Yes.
[It's not like he could deny the suffering either situation inflicts on someone. Whether it's a sword cutting down a sea of innocent humans, or the endless cycle of love and hate humans are a part of.
His hand settles on Matsui's shoulder.]
I'm sorry. I'm not sure how... I didn't mean to upset you.
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D is so much more put together that even he in his frazzled state feels a little embarrassed, though.]
--It is nothing to apologize for. This place...
[He doesn't know with certainty that this place is at fault because he's only seen the fuckin pig like once because it KEEPS DASHING BEHIND PEOPLE, but. This feels like the correct direction to point the finger.]
...I did not mean to share such a thing either, though.
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This place.
[It's just an agreement. This place is turning out to be much more horrendous than they initially expected. That's fine. This is fine.]
That's alright. I...
[He closes his mouth, feeling his skin crawl at remembering what it was like to be such a loyal, unfeeling thing. And... yet... is that not what he is as well? A loyal, unfeeling thing. No. That's not true. Like Matsui now, he has his own feelings, his own opinions.
So much falls into place and makes sense now. In regards to Matsui. The shying away, the avoidance, the running from conversations.]
We don't have to speak about it.
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Matsui's eyes close, head bowing, shame and guilt flooding in, ever-familiar as they are. He's always running, and he always chooses to run whenever he can, cowardly thing that he is.]
...If you wish to, then we can. If you don't wish to, then I won't speak of it.
[He tries, at least a little, for the raw feeling left in the center of his chest over everything he'd just witnessed.]
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do they truly deserve his generational ire when, like him, they are their own person now, like this? When they are less sword and more human—and yet how he despises the humanity in them.]
I understand now.
[His hand moves from Matsui’s shoulder to Matsui’s head, resting there.]
We can’t change their destinies, but it is not weak to mourn for our failure to them.
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The understanding that D holds is not something he's grateful for, because it always harms him, knowing that others can empathize with this type of exquisite pain. Eventually, still speaking soft:]
...I don't understand why it must be this way.
[In his world. In D's world. Why are humans like this in every world, in every era? Everywhere they go, everything they do. He is not D, meant to remain separate, meant to carry the burden of hatred. He was crafted to protect, thrown into the horrors of conscious thought, and yet - despite the difference in their circumstances separating them by miles, it's this single point that they meet at.
Humans, and their endless, cyclical, Sisyphean existence.]
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[He understands Matsui’s frustration. He’s had that frustration for a long time, and he has only been around for maybe twenty or so years—in this life.
To watch then continue to disappoint him when he thought he was beginning to… hope again.
His hand slides down to the back of Matsui’s neck, and the other arm loops around Matsui’s shoulders. He draws Matsui’s head in to hug the other man gently.
🫂 (nonthreatening)]
I’m sorry, Matsui.
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There's a little thread of tension, not because of whose embrace it is but because Matsui is always the type of person reluctant to accept any form of comfort or warmth when in the throes that human emotion so often tosses him into.
The apology is met with a soft:] I am, too. [Because what else can they do but feel sorrow and apology for the world as it exists, and for the fact that they're also caught up in its ceaseless grind?
A few seconds pass after that, silent and heavy. Matsui is always in some stage of mourning, but it becomes particularly obvious in times like this, where he lets his head rest against D's shoulder and seems to seep through with that heaviness like an anchor on the sea bed. He's already asked this before, but he asks again.]
Do you think they will?
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I thought...
[But he trails off and doesn't finish. He thought. Was it a useless hope, to believe that they would? To see the parts of mankind somehow doing better than the rest? It feels like a betrayal... believing in that, believing they could change.]
I don't know, [he finally murmurs.] I suppose that is not up to those like us.
I am sorry they have used you to do terrible things. I could see... it was hard to be unable to stop it.
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Just the "I thought" says a lot, and he closes his eyes for a moment. There are times like that, when it seems like things may change - but it's been centuries on centuries since Matsui's had such thoughts. Humanity is truly an unchanging thing.
"I don't know" is about the most optimistic take, honestly. He hums, quiet.]
...I suppose not. [Not for a bloody tool, not for a distant shepherd. At the last statement, he shakes his head, lifting it away.]
It is merely the fate I have been bestowed with. These burdens are mine to bear. [He has no love for humans, but he can't hate them, either. It is what it is.] ...I feel as though this is a weight that you understand well, too.
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Without complaint, his arms and hands loosen, and he lets Matsui lean back, though one hand doesn't rest idly on Matsui's upper arm. Like he thinks Matsui might keel over like a swooning Victorian maiden.]
I do. It isn't... We should not share in that, but at least... I know someone else who is not me, or my father, or my grandfather does.
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Anyway that's fair, Matsui does give off the vibes of a swooning Victorian maiden. It's his waif-like appearance and perpetual paleness, along with the ceaseless air of melancholy.]
...Your father...
[Bro there were
so many issues that that one single memory showed. Matsui's brow furrows very faintly, lips pressing into a thin line.]
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Yes.
[Oh boy. His hand lowers to join the other, laced in his lap between them.]
He... [Well, he doesn't want to burden Matsui with more, but he thinks Matsui could do with an explanation. It's already out for others because of these pigs, and... Matsui isn't human at least.] He had been trying to kill all the humans.
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The explanation is not fine, but also, it's not his world so it doesn't weigh quite as heavily on him. ...Presumably, anyway. Maybe D comes from a time before the wholeass population was [redacted] but who even knows how that happened. The knit at his brow and increase in Melancholy Vibes are about the only things that give away how he feels about this.]
...You had said that it is your duty to shepherd, though. Correct?
[KILLING ALL HUMANS IS ALSO INTERVENING, D'S DAD.]
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His smile is very faint. And wry as well. He gazes down at his hands, and then he looks off and away.]
We shepherd the living. But humans... [His eyes lower again.] I'm sorry, Mr. Matsui... It--
[UNFORTUNATELY, ONE OF THE LITTLE PIG RASCALS RACES OUT OF THE SHADOWS FOR THEM because I said so. D isn't sure if these will hurt them like the ones in executions, so he gasps and grabs Matsui's by the shoulders.]
Watch out!
[Two Victorian maidens are tossed over to the side on the ground as the pig oinks by. Matsui can have... TWO MEMORIES. As if he hasn't suffered enough.]
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Anyway, Matsui's once again take out of this reality by a memory he didn't ask for, and it's painful in an entirely different way, and also confusing in a way that's to be expected when cyclical death and rebirth happen like this.
There's something to be said, too, about the weightiness of a ceaseless grudge, the burden of passing down a last moment, the entirety of a people, of multiple species, bearing down on one's back. And yet, even in that moment, even knowing everything, even finding the human race a hopeless and hateful thing - D had still tried to take even one along with him. Had tried to end their most immediate threat of demise.
What a painful thing. Love and hatred, hand in hand.
ONCE AGAIN HE'S JUST FLAT ON HIS BACK FOR A FEW SECONDS, SILENT. Truly he takes some of these memories so hard.]
...That was...
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This time, D simply lies on the ground by Matsui, one arm resting over Matsui's chest and shoulders where he had thrown them aside. This is the WORST, don't just put all of his insecurities and heartaches ON DISPLAY.]
It was annoying.
[He means having his mind palace peeled open for all to see, not what happened. Slowly, he pushes himself up with his other forearm, lifting his head, expression exasperated.]
I could do without this... non-consenting overshare.
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Matsui just continues to lie there after D starts to pick himself back up again, just staring up at him with his sad little vampire eyes.]
...My apologies. [Even if it isn't either of their faults IT STILL FEELS LIKE SOMETHING HE SHOULD SAY...] I won't speak of it, if you don't wish to.
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There isn't much we can do about it now, so it's fine. I'm sure you have questions regardless.
[He pushes himself up at least to his knees and legs, using a free hand to hold his face. They HAVE A WHOLE WEEK OF THIS. (It's already Thursday...)]
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Love how with the way memshares work it's a weekly effect that happens 90% on Monday and Sunday. Matsui also sits upright, motions delicate. His expression is gently mournful in the thin way it usually is.]
...I do, but... [Even knowing they got here because of PIGS, he doesn't want to press into painful or unpleasant territory.] ...Is that the last thing you recall, before arriving here?
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Thinking about how Matsui has been the only one to suffer two memories so far........ very funny. Thinking about how I have a third one that would mess Matsui up too.]
Yes... That was the last thing.
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For now Matsui's just here with this one exhausting memory on top of the other exhausting memory.]
What was it that you had wanted to do, then?
[JUMP AND DIE?? TAKE THAT HUMAN WITH HIM??? He has a feeling that's not it but he also wouldn't be surprised if it was.]
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They are out here in the middle of the street, full of pain.]
I had... wanted to save him. No, I knew I could. The fall would make him pass out, and I could safely take him to get help which would allow me to leave.
He has his brother Chris to return to, after all.
[THINKS ABOUT THE TWO CHRISTIAN BROTHERS]
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Matsui does have a weakness to both kids and also people with kid siblings that they have to look out for... For no particular reason....... gets that mem out...]
...But you found yourself here, instead.
[Wow thinking that he'd died in the middle of trying to save that guy must have been a really unpleasant thing to believe!]
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[It had been a little unpleasant, yes. He had planned to leave anyway regardless; any connection he had with Leon and Chris should have (and would be) severed. Duty comes first.
There is no room for hope and relations.]
I had assumed we died considering, but... I suppose that is not true.
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...No. It seems that the end was not quite in the way that we had thought...
[He can recall asking one of the Reapers earlier if it wasn't a strange thing, for not a single one of them to remember how they died, because most people don't die in highly traumatizing ways. Most are just a little blink of light flashing out in the darkness of sleep.]
...How do you feel about him?
[A man that killed his father (FATHER-SON??) and yet, someone he still wanted to extend the kindness of life toward.]
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The question makes his expression turn pensive, bunched in the brows and the thinning of his lips. He turns his head slightly away, and he doesn’t lift his mismatched eyes.]
I’m not sure that matters any longer. I’m here with a slim chance if returning, and what’s more, the detective has his own life to live. I am merely a summer storm passing through; if I did return at all, the shop would be somewhere else entirely.
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Matsui watches D as he ponders through these things, quiet. He knows too well how it works - feeling one way, knowing that it hardly matters because of circumstance. Hearts are such a burden.]
Even knowing that it doesn't matter doesn't necessarily make it easier to set aside the things you feel, though.
w4 sun
After their meeting, Matsui will be moving over to find D wherever he's meandered to.]
Hello. [HOLDS SOMETHING OUT OMINOUSLY (just kidding it's not ominous) (or is it).]
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He seems surprised, but sort of... holds his hand out for whatever this ominous thing is?]
Hello...?
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He gently deposits a little bag into D's hand that has a fresh chocolate croissant inside.]
For you.
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Mr. Matsui...
[SCREAM (he doesn't actually scream, but he does squeal).] You are such a considerate man!! [Hikari suffered this very thing once--no, twice now that I think about it.
D THROWS HIS ARMS OUT AROUND MATSUI'S NECK.]
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This level of enthusiasm...
[IT'S A LITTLE.........
Well he can't judge, he gets like this over blood.]
--I hope that it's to your tastes. It's a thanks for the cookies over trial.
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Matsui is freed only because there is FOOD. He is looking at it, starstruck...]
You didn't have to repay me... but, yes, this is perfect. I can't wait to eat it.
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I hope that it pairs well with your tea.
[the way i was going to hit you with a mem but then remembered you already picked the punchiest one damb DO YOU HAVE ANY PREFS FOR THOSE LEFT.]
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[A chocolate quaso will be fabulous with tea, he thinks!! Wait, he is so impolite.]
Thank you, Mr. Matsui. Would you like to join me?
[Would you like to suffer ANOTHER PIG NOISE RACING BY? This time you can have dealer’s choice!!! Give me a mem…
For all of Matsu’s sweet, sweet troubles… he can have an unfortunately sad memory.]
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Anyway, Matsui's about to raise a hand to gently refuse the offer because he can't be messin around with his blood sugar at this hour (he can), BUT THEN. A PIG NOISE... AND A MEMORY...... UWAH........
Honestly it's less dire than some of the memories he'd experienced before, but that doesn't make it any less sorrowful. In some ways, this is more poignant in its sadness than even the sharp and biting edge of the memories he'd seen before.]
...Children do lose that connection, as time goes on.
[They're so spiritually attuned as kids and THEN THEY GROW UP.]
w5 thurs
Well, that's fine. He's going to go look for D when that period of waiting is over. Where art thou... fellow Catholic.]
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Instead, he's in the park, but not sitting like usual. No, he is pacing slowly like a lunatic back and forth, muttering softly under his breath.]
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Well.
This is fine???? This is not fine at all. Matsui's probably learned at least some of the basics of what's happened by now except so many of yall are shady fuckers that he may not have gotten the details. At the very least, he knows that it was something pulled from his memories. Thanks, Gou clothes! He approaches as soon as he spots D, hurrying his way over - hesitating only barely when he notes the pacing and the muttering. Paraiso makes people crazy so this is sensible to him!]
D...
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Matsui's voice makes D's head snaps up. This is probably one of the only times he has truly looked genuinely mortified. He stares at Matsui like Matsui is a fucking GHOST.
He mutters something under his breath again that sounds kinda like a prayer? HELP ME, CHRISTIAN D.]
...Mr. Matsui.
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ALSO THIS IS TERRIBLE. Matsui feels like a fckin ghost so that's fair enough. Christian D is about to have great company in Catholic Matsui.]
--I'm...
[Here! Solid! Well, technically dead, but that's fine. Dead in a less certain way. He takes a careful step forward.]
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Don't keep him company in the fucking Catholocism!!!!]
...Thank God. I'm so glad His eternal love has kept you safe. We thought you...
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WHY IS D FUCKING CHRISTIAN. Matsui's briefly and very visibly taken aback by this. The way he didn't get a chance to experience his lasting cyoa effect because he had to stay blind, so he doesn't know that they're a thing that happens, really.
He hesitates for a second.]
...I'm sorry. For whatever happened to make you so concerned for me... [RANG JUST OUT HERE YELLING AT HIM FOR LEAVING THEM BEHIND AND THAT'S CURRENTLY ALL HE KNOWS it's fine.] I was here.
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I'm glad. I'm glad you weren't again in a place which God had forsaken. You and Buzen saved us... I thank God for that.
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Matsui's looking more troubled now, though in that thinly expressive way he tends to have about him. Truly there are so many questions he has and so many things he wants to ask and he wants to see if D is alright, but before anything else, he has to KNOW.]
...I-- I'm sorry, but... Why are you speaking of God?
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I've been praying for my salvation. For His forgiveness.
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He reaches out very carefully, gently, for D's hands.]
...What do you need His forgiveness for?
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For… not acting more firmly. For… letting the others stray from our duty. From the timeline.
It’s my fault…
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Matsui's not about to ask any direct questions yet, but he's picking up bits and pieces and trying to do what he can to organize them in his mind. And wow! What he's piecing together sounds, hm, bad.]
Is praying helping you? Does your heart feel more settled...?
[It never really helped him, but he still does it, anyway. Maybe it's like that for D in this moment.]
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It helps a little… when it feels darkest. I know He is listening. Maybe I can’t be saved, but He will at least know I regret having to do those things. What I did there, what I did to Rin.
I’ll pray for you, Mr. Matsui… So He will touch you with grace and understanding. Living your memory… I understand now the pain you carry with you.
I ask for God to lift it off your shoulders so you can see the good of what He has created in front of you. The mercy He allowed you to give the people who believed in Him.
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You do not need to pray for me... It's my fault that you've been made to bear this burden at all. I'm sorry for you to understand this pain.
[And despite his placid expression, his heart really does ache when he says that.]
If you seek salvation, I hope that you will find it. Even if... your hands are stained, and the weight will never leave, you can wash the blood clean with blood.
[THIS IS TERRIBLE ADVICE SOMEONE PLEASE STOP HIM.]
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God would want us to halve this burden and share it, Mr. Matsui.
[He starts pulling Matsui by the hands. I HATE THIS, he pulls Matsui over to one of the park benches so they may kneel down in front of it. Their pew...]
Let's pray together. [Holding Matsui's hands with his own! THEIR PRAYER HANDS!] We'll ask Him to guide us on the right path.
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BENCH PEW.
FUCKING HELP.
Unfortunately Matsui is quite comfortable with this so he'll just kneel with D in front of the bench. He still has no idea what's happening here but since he also became religious after Paraiso he's not questioning it too hard yet. Maybe prayer is actually helping him! He will kneel here with their prayer hands and nod.]
Please lead us in whatever prayer your heart feels moved by, then.
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He nods at Matsui, then bows his head slightly and closes his eyes.]
Hail, Holy Queen, Mother of mercy, our life, our sweetness and our hope. To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve: to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn then, most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us, and after this our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary! Pray for us, O holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. Amen.
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Matsui will close his eyes and lower his head as D PRAYS OUT OF HIS CHRISTIANITIS. HELP. O CLEMENT SWEET VIRGIN MARY PRAY FOR US.
He remains silent for a few beats after the prayer ends before lifting his head a little.]
Amen. [AMEN! PARAISO!] ...Has it spoken to your heart?
[Thinking about how Matsui is trying so hard to help D in this moment but he also just straight up told Nahida weeks ago that god wasn't here.]
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D also is quiet after for a moment before he even lifts his head and opens his eyes. He offers Matsui a smile. IT IS UNNERVINGLY AND STRANGELY GENUINE, NOT LIKE THE ENIGMATIC ONE HE ALWAYS GAVE BEFORE.]
Yes. It felt like... perhaps he wasn't there, or perhaps he wasn't listening. But I think now... I understand. There may have been a worse fate for them, much worse than what they already received.
He wanted us to bring them mercy and deliver them to Him. A last resort for the people who believed in Him.
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He gives D's paws a gentle squeeze though because even with this coated in so much Catholicism, he doesn't necessarily disagree that death is more merciful than life.]
They had already suffered through a great deal, and death was what awaited them regardless of how it came. Unfortunately, the moment the Shogunate decided to set an example, and the moment enough people decided it would be a potential way to ensure nothing so bloody ever happened again, their fates were set in stone.
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I know...
[Humans can die sometimes. Hehe. (He cares about it right now because he's been made holy. Maybe he should be evil Catholicism.]
It was a little too much for the others... Rin and I were with the Shogunate, and Miss Shenhe and Rang were with the rebels. We saw those from home, and we saw some from here.
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Matsui is quiet for a second, closing his eyes again for a brief moment. By now he's scraped together more or less what's happened, but every little scrap of confirmation he gets is an unpleasant one anyway. Thanks he hates it here for himself and also all of them!]
...Yes. That is... what's expected, as far as I am aware. [Based on his own terrible ventures.] I am sorry. I'm sorry that this happened to you. I know that sorry does nothing...
[Apologies do nothing, promises do nothing, everything does nothing! And even though he's exempting himself with his remarks, Matsui is assigning him trauma anyway because he truly just assumes his new religious identity is a trauma response. Fucking help.]
I have already spoken to the others, but if there is anything at all that I can do to help counterbalance this weight...
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You don't have to worry. I feel better now after returning. As horrible as it is, maybe Rang and Miss Shenhe should have as well. It seems all of the injuries are gone.
[Hehe except for the mental ones. :> YEAH!]
I am sorry I thought so little of you and Buzen, Mr. Matsui. Being the tools of men, I had judged you too soon, and I had not understood until now.
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Death is a peaceful sleep, after all.
[NO IT ISN'T BUT NO ONE WILL CONVINCE HIM OTHERWISE NOW. The mental wounds remain and death doesn't heal those but at least it allows for everyone to hit the pause button and simply not feel traumatized for a while because they aren't feeling anything at all. Yeah!
Matsui is a little taken aback by the rest of this though. HELLO?? D??? D HELLO. After a second, he just shakes his head.]
...You-- Tools like us stand against what you work for. Your judgment is not unjust. After all, even if we are used to protect and defend, we still do so through spilling blood...
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It’s probably fine.]
That is true, but… you were never asked to be made, and you were never asked to be spiritually summoned. Humans did such a thing all on your own.
…Like the animals, you are only doing what it is in your nature to do. Like instincts.
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Also unfortunately he does agree with that. He is very much of the opinion that he didn't ask for any of this and he didn't want any of this but now he just kind of has to deal.]
...It is-- frustrating. To be pulled from place to place in life like this.
[Even now, they're bound by the mission to succeed or face an even worse fate, damn humans to something far more horrific than death.]
But I suppose it is like that for us all. No one has full say in what their life looks like.
w6, thurs before curfies
Checking on his stupid sword blorbos.]
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Matsui is sitting in front of a randomass hotel room door genuinely, so if D is looking in the hotel he will PROBABLY FIND HIM??? MAYBE... Maybe not this is also on a different floor from where most people are staying damn DOES HE NEED TO TEXT.]
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He is in this fucking Victorian-ass pajama gown. He stops by Matsui then squats down by him.]
Do you need anything, Matsui?
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He looks up, though, taking a second to reorient himself in the present and remind himself that there isn't any blood here.]
--No... No, thank you. [D YOUR PJ GOWN. He probably at least saw the invitation though so he figures D is on his way and that's why he looks like a ghost from the Muppets Christmas Carol.] ...I don't know that we'll be joining, but...
[His best wishes to the partygoers amen.]
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D’s smile is weak. HE GETS IT. The thoughts too. He reaches out, but hesitates before finally resting a hand on one of Matsui’s]
It’s okay. We understand. Do you want to pray…?
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Matsui doesn't flinch or draw back from the touch, at least. The offer, too, is something he appreciates - but he shakes his head after a second.]
I don't... know that prayer will help.
[What he wants to do is draw blood, to slash and spill and paint the walls and floor and himself in that beautiful, terrible red. He has to try being NORMAL THOUGH, or at least try holding it together enough for Buzen, who's also only barely holding it together.]
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He takes Matsui’s hand in both of his own.]
Close your eyes, and let’s pray.
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Matsui just looks at both of their prayer hands, expression grim. Still, eventually, he closes his eyes.]
Alright. We can pray in silence, if you wish.
[He won't make D lead a prayer circle again.]
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Heavenly Father, watch over us here on this side. Bless us with the perseverance to continue forward against all odds no matter what will happen as we move forward.
Sooth our turbulent blood, and keep Mr. Matsui’s calm and refreshed. Please keep Mr. Buzen’s inside his body where it belongs… and also, of course, repair his spirit so he may raise his sword in Your honor, not with violence, but with prosperity and forgiveness.
We know Your everlasting love will be with us even during the times You are most quiet. You will fill us with that same peace so we understand.
Amen.
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It does help, a little. Maybe not the prayer itself so much as who is saying it and what he is saying and why. But it does help. Matsui is quiet for a few long seconds after the last amen, hands still within D's and eyes still closed.
Then, he takes a deep breath and he opens them again, looking to D's face.]
...Thank you. It means much to me.
[That D would pray for him, and for Buzen, and hope for such goodness for them when they're such flawed things. Created by humans to slay humans.]
My blood feels a little more settled...
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[Hehe. Strangely, the act of praying is rather comforting??? Like chanting a mantra, or counting mala beads.
Matsui’s hands get another gentle squeeze, and then he reaches one of his own out to reassuringly brush Matsui’s cheek.]
If you and Buzen are feeling a little better later, you should join us. We would enjoy having you there.
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The touch is also grounding, and in a way similar to Buzen, he leans into it a little. Not overly-much. Just enough to convey his comfort and appreciation.]
...Mm. [Perhaps there is something to it... Prayer! Wild!] --If Buzen wishes to go, I will accompany him.
[AND BUZEN DOES BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKIN STEPFORD SMILER.]
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Good. Please take care of yourself. I'm going to go make sure Rang isn't acting like a fool.
[Offers Matsui a smile. :)]
w7 thurs
Is your blood still cold?
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A little b-bit... I really need to return Mr. L-Luo's coat...
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I am sure that he would understand if you kept it until this wore off...
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I know... I think it's finally a... ab-bating... Are you alright, too? We have a clue at le-least...
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[HIS ONE SINGLE SOLILOQUY.]
Knowing where to go is a good amount more guidance than what I had expected.
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Yes, I agree. Do y-you think... we can trust them? That we're doing the right th-thing... She said that Game was the one to decide the fa-fate of the others. What if we really do end up having to ch-choose... between ending all the Games, or saving everyone revived?
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It sounded more like some people were upset that she "won" and thus made the current changes to the game accordingly... If she has already left something for us at the river, then I do not think that our choice will have anything to do with her game.
[...]
But I will do anything to ensure Buzen leaves this place.
[He truly ain't playing for the betterment of all worlds or the good of mankind, he's just going to do whatever will save Buzen.]
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[The last part doesn't surprise him, and it doesn't look like it offends him either. Matsui would.]
I know. [He can't imagine how many people would fight them over something like this. Would it be their whole team? Rang would think this way too, wouldn't he...?] If ever a choice came to be, I... think playing the Games with the correct and original rules [i.e. coming in already dead] is less horrible than the erasure of any revived.
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[Matsui will truly go down with this ship, mostly for Buzen's sake and for the sake of their world, but also for the sake of everyone who had come before them and made these same difficult decisions. It would be like taking their burdens from them, and Matsui's made it clear what he thinks about that.]
...I hope that things will not come to it. I don't wish to fight allies.
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[Leans a little bit into Matsui to keep the shivers at bay even though THIS DOES NOTHING ACTUALLY SINCE MATSUI IS A FRIGID BREAKFAST TOMB.]
Are you and Buzen alright...? I know what it seems we have to do is... difficult for you both.
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But yeah, D sure does know, doesn't he! Which Matsui is kind of selfishly grateful for, because while he gets what everyone else was trying to do, it is truly difficult attempting to explain to a group of people why their reasoning and logic as to why this technically doesn't count as changing the past doesn't actually mean anything to them.]
...I am trying not to think overly-much of it. We seem to be fine, so far...
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You do appear to be okay. And... no earthquakes. If you need to not act, don't act.
[This feels like harping, so.]
Let's not worry about it right now.
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...Alright. [HE'S RUNNING FROM IT HE'S NOT THINKING ABOUT IT IT'S A FAR-OFF SPECK IN HIS MIND PALACE.]
What shall we talk about instead?
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Literally anything else. Is there somewhere you'd like to go?
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...I will follow you.
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He will take Matsui by the arm, looping theirs together.]
Alright. Let's walk and see where our feet take us.
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This is how Buzen deals with his problems.
[But he will delicately loop arms and walk with D into the void.]
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I must have been around him too long. He's rubbing off on me. [This tracks for Buzen, he thinks.] I did find him racing around and around when he had come back from that adventure.
So using his feet is fitting. It doesn't tire you out?
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That isn't surprising... [Buzen rubs off on everyone, damn. That also isn't too unusual, the idea of Buzen just running away from his fckin TRAUMA.]>/small>
Why would it tire me out? I'm not the one who is doing the running.
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Well, you are having to keep up… [Teasing.] I suppose you can watch him race into the distance then come back for you.
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That's usually what I do... [HELP.] ...He will always come back.
w7, sat
Ohhh, this will never come out...
[MATSUI AND BUZEN DID THIS.]
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Oh... Has it been ruined?
[Oopsie doopsie.]
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[Tch... Not his CR with the swords increasing over time so he isn't mad about it... That was just their nature.]
Has your blood been satisfied...?
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He considers this for a second and then nods.]
As much as it can be, yes. I would have liked to spill more blood, but being able to spill any at all was a relief.
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I see... [This is SUCH a sword thing to say, Jesus.] That's good, at least.
Even if you got it on me afterward...
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It really is a sword thing to say, though. He reaches out and like. Wipes uselessly at a bloodstain.]
...My apologies. I wasn't thinking very clearly at that moment.
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It's okay. I had forgotten... it was in your nature to be this way, so it's something that would come easily to you. At least, that part of it.
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...Yes. I-- Especially after going so long without an enemy whose blood I could spill...
[CLOSING HIS EYES. Matsui dislikes violence but is also kind of inherently violent, and having nowhere to direct so many weeks of Violence Buildup was truly haunting his ass.]
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I know. It must be difficult without somewhere appropriate to direct those feelings. I understand.
[He's a Pet Guy after all.]
How are you feeling...?
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He will gently squeeze D's paw back, though. The desire to spill blood really is instinctive for swords in some way, and he feels a little better to know that D understands it.]
...I am feeling fine, now. [He worked some of it out and now his blood is no longer awake...] ...Tired. And a little sad, but... fine. [...] How do you feel about all of this, D?
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[He glances thoughtfully away in no real particular direction.]
Somewhat worried about these Games, sad for Miss Ruby, and yet... knowing I must return home for a duty rather than die for others.
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...Buzen was going to ask some of you, I think. Whether or not you would want to come to our world.
[D had been among the names mentioned, but:] He said he would knowing that most of you would refuse, because you have duties of your own. ...And I do not think you would enjoy it, regardless.
[Living in a Citadel full of swords all striving to protect mankind.]
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Ah...
[This is sweet!! And very much like Buzen Gou. He smiles wryly.]
You're very kind. Your Citadel was beautiful; what we saw of it. I don't think it would be a bad place to stay. Though I imagine my answer would be the same a few others would give me as well. If I offered you both and Rang a place in the shop. It seems we all have our duties.
Are you sure your Aruji would approve?
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It is definitely a Buzen move though, yeah. MATSUI'S JUST THINKING ABOUT THEIR TEAM FETTERED TROPE. They really are all bound by their duties in some way...]
We do all have our duties. [It's why the thought to go somewhere else had never once crossed his mind, even if his duty makes him want to straight up die a lot of the time.]
--I don't know about that, either. Buzen is more optimistic than I am... [He also likes the saniwa more, probably.] It may be fine. Buzen has a way with words... But I would be worried about the long term implications. Whether or not you would be scrutinized by the Time Government, and what would happen after the war ends.
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Their team was so self-destructive and yet had so much in common actually... If only they had lived longer... Would they have been the heroes or the villains...]
I understand. For a long time, and even a little still, I was not sure if something like you or Buzen could ever be inside the shop. You both truly aren't much different than all of the spirits already there... aside from being steel made by man.
[Waves his free hand dismissively.]
Then again, as selfish of me it is to say, better you be in the hands of Count D than humans.
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It really was so funny though. Would have been hilarious to see what side they fell on but they sure got to bond weirdly in the graveyard about it instead which is just as good frankly.
As for where they eventually ended up... There's a little flicker of something fond and grateful in his emotions, even when it's still just largely Eeyore melancholia.]
...Thank you. I don't disagree. [LISTEN HE DOESN'T HATE HUMANS!! BUT HE DOESN'T LOVE THEM!!!!] Still, as steel made by man, it is part of our duty to stand by them, even when they use us to make mistakes.