(homo) bigolas dickolas

[onlypets]

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[crucifer]

[ His expression goes briefly dark at that actually -- like a flicker of a shadow passing over. ]

Sorry, but I guess I've still got attachments that I'm not willing to let go of.

[onlypets]

[He said what he said, Nicky. Near the front, he pauses long enough to glance over his shoulder briefly.]

Attachments here or back home...?

[crucifer]

[ He thinks about it for a moment. Technically speaking? ]

...Both.

[onlypets]

How dangerous for you.

[He laces his fingers together in front of himself. Peers around the front architecture of the cathedral, and then turns halfway so he can look back at Wolfwood.]

I have a question for you, Mr. Wolfwood. If your time comes, hypothetically, can you do it? Can you kill someone else here in order to keep your team on the path to victory?

[crucifer]

[ He looks back at D through his shades. He has a reason he's always wearing those. ]

That's a pretty dangerous question to answer.

A "no" makes me a target. A "yes" makes me a danger.

[onlypets]

[Look at him in the eye like a real man with feelings.]

I'm only a visitor in God's house, not Judgement. Would you kill someone for your own desires? Would you discriminate among the ones here?

[crucifer]

[ You can't handle these feelings... ]

Yeah. I would.

[ Somewhat true to the both of those things -- he's got some standards. ]

I can't afford to be that kind of merciful, idealist saviour who thinks everyone can survive. If I don't take my chances, somebody else will.

I've got things I can't risk losing, things way too big for something like that.

[onlypets]

We're in agreement then.

[He twists back to the front of the church, gives it a cursory glance again.]

Except for the discrimination. Everyone here has an equal opportunity. Men, women, and children. All notion of right and wrong have been given up in death, and we are no higher than animals simply fighting for survival.

[crucifer]

I guess not. It isn't as if the higher-ups care.

[ In the end, he hopes, but his prayers have never been answered before. ]

I'm not really a fan of bein' stained red, honestly. But if that's the burden I'll have to take, then I'll wade through it as much as I need to.

[ Hopefully, it stays need to. ]

[onlypets]

It doesn't seem as if they do, no.

[A quiet sigh. He lowers his head, and then he turns around to walk down the middle aisle again, unhurried. He stops near Wolfwood.]

You can always ask for forgiveness later. Or so they say.

[crucifer]

[ He looks at him, corner of his mouth twitching in a smile that says he doesn't believe D. ]

Too late for that, count. I'll stay my hand until I need to, 'cause that's the deal I've got going on right now, but once stained red, it's never washing off.

[onlypets]

[Look, he’s just saying. Don’t laugh.]

I hope it stays that way for you then. Unstained.

[crucifer]

You ignored the part where I said too late?

[ Somehow... he can still sass a little. ]

[onlypets]

It's honorable you hold onto the things you experienced while alive and don't consider death a reset. [He doesn't say this like it's a bad thing.] I just meant here. I suppose I should have said I hope your hands don't become more stained.

[DON'T SASS.]

[crucifer]

...It's just 'cause I can't.

My death doesn't mean my problems stop existing. It's a cruelty that I'm still around, aware, and breathing.

Means I don't get the luxury of letting go.

[onlypets]

I don't know, Mr. Wolfwood. Maybe death is the place where you get the choice to let go. What you see as a cruelty is only a karmic opportunity to be a better person in the next life. Then you are reborn so you may start again. Only those who reach nirvana can be free of the shackles of existing again and again.

[He smiles a little.]

Excuse me, that isn't a Christian ideology.

[crucifer]

I've got an open mind.

[ Though being an open mind and accepting it for yourself are different things. ]

You think a next life would be better? Think the whole "weight of sins" thing is probably gonna drag me down someplace pretty shitty.

[onlypets]

[Same hat.]

I am not the same as everyone, but I would take a thousand different lives to try again than just a single one full of regrets at the end. It's a burden, but I would bear it. I don't want to become like my father; unfortunately, I believe it's my fate to walk in his shoes.

Unless I change.

[crucifer]

...

Do you think you can?

[ Do you think people change, D? ]

[onlypets]

[A wry smile.]

Not in the life I left. Maybe in the next.

[crucifer]

[ Huh. ]

Good luck with that.

[ And honestly, he does kind of mean it. ]

Hope you can escape your Father.

[onlypets]

I did, at least in a way. The detective shot him.

[He gazes out thoughtfully over the cathedral with no real distinct expression. Not happy, not sad.]

But now I am the father to my son. And it is my turn to reject hope.

[crucifer]

[ Wait dial it back he's about to shatter this atmosphere so bad ]




You talking about T-chan or do you seriously have a kid?

[onlypets]

I’m not talking about T-chan.

[He slowly turns his head back to Wolfwood, expression coy and teasing.]

I have a son. My grandfather is caring for him.

[crucifer]

...Didn't expect that of you, honestly.

[ Partially because D is pretty young but also the idea... that D fucks... is it adoption... ]

Why not you? You don't wanna be around him?

[ Because of this whole, like father like son thing? ]